The reader will probably smile, even laugh, at Boots’ inside info revelations that run the whole range, from being funny, clumsy, or downright silly; it’s unimaginable that such characteristics do exist in someone like the prim and proper Boots.

Here’s an excerpt from the said chapter.

You think because you’ve known Boots for years that you can read her like a book? Think again. Some of these unknown things will surprise you, and others will make you, in the Internet lingo, LOL (Laugh out Loud). Here they are, in her own words.

I’m funny. (Some will say I’m corny.) Usually, the willing “victim” of my weird sense of humor is my husband King. What is worse, this comedy bit would whack him unceremoniously at the unfunny hour of 3:30 a.m. daily. Yes, you read it right: 3:30 a.m. Daily. Without fail. King, God bless him, would merely glare at me and simply go back to sleep. He likes to call this my “Witching Hour”—when my most, ahem, brilliant and keen insights about my life’s journey would permeate me, while my silliest and corniest jokes (mostly puns) usually sideswipe them. If I live long enough for a sequel to this book “Grateful,” the title should be “Cornful.”

I’m a perfect klutz. For one formally trained in music and dance, my reflexes and timing in movement are shameful.  I constantly spill water accidentally, unintentionally hit and break glasses, awkwardly drop spoons, napkins, cellphones, ball pens. The list is endless.

Event hosts, be forewarned. I topple over anything neatly arranged or stacked. Floral arrangements, neatly piled books, stacked plates, ice cream cone towers. Once, I pulled out a cap from a New Jersey Department Store rack—and,  not surprisingly, the whole collection collapsed. I often put clothes on the wrong side up. When I unlock a door, my finger sometimes gets caught in the seams. At least twice, I dropped my key card in the elevator and it slipped right through the slat down one floor.  Without any prodding, my hemline or sleeve often gets caught in the car door and traps me.

Not a few times, I would glide like a professional model I once was on a designer floor, and my heel somehow gets caught in a slat. Extreme case in point: Some 15 years back, while in Paris for a Philippine Film Festival, Mother Lily Monteverde, film journalist and Urian stalwart Butch Francisco and I were walking from the Film Center back to our hotel.  Mother Lily, the splendid Regal Productions matriarch, and I were smiling graciously and proudly displaying to a spill-over screening crowd our Filipiniana fineries (a fully-callado’ed piña terno, an exquisitely-crafted, traditional gown made of pineapple fiber). As I habitually attract mishaps without even trying, my left high heel got caught in a crack on the fine wood planks and stubbornly refused to be extricated. With no graceful way to continue walking forward to save my sandal (not to mention my dignity), I exited the scene unshod, my right sandal nonchalantly strapped over my shoulder. A feat worthy of an Oscar Best Acting Award for an improvised glamorous walk on the red carpet.

Excuse me, but I insist my natural bungling acts require much comedic talent and timing, and dare I say, they’re a worthy homage to comedy geniuses like our very own Dolphy and, of course, Charlie Chaplin. You may forgive me for constantly checking and reviewing our family tree, in the hope of finding that I’m their long-lost niece or perhaps my grandmother was once a neighbor.I once tried smoking and drinking wine for a while. This was after attending a film festival in Russia with director and columnist Nestor U. Torre and others. I was like, hmm...I want to try something new.

My dad baptized me “Speedy Bagal,” literally, speedy slowpoke (with apologies to Speedy Gonzales). Overly obedient to my Dad’s strict discipline during meals, I eat very slowly, dutifully masticating food while making sure I don’t talk all the while. Which meant that I was always the last to finish eating, unmindful that others at the dining table were long done and tapping their fingers to call my attention.

I am slow in the kitchen as well, whether setting up the table, serving, or cleaning up and washing dishes. Same with cooking. (Yes, I cook! I make a mean kare-kare.) I slice my meat and veggies in one uniform direction. It takes me forever to clean fish. I over-mix my ingredients when placing them in the pot. What our cook can accomplish in a few minutes takes me twice as long. King’s practical—and brilliant, don’t you think? — solution: He takes a snack before mealtime.

I’m always the last one to head out the door whenever we go somewhere. Why? I act like your usual friendly Safety Inspector. I insist on turning off the electric fan or the air conditioner; checking the windows and appliances; leaving the vigil light on, and making sure no slippers are left out of the rack. King calls them my ten-routine circles, the last two to check on my keys and my cellphone that I often tend to misplace.

I also take my time walking along corridors to appreciate photos and paintings. When I see a crooked frame, I stop to straighten it and make sure it is aligned with the others. This is a trait usually associated with people born under the sign of Libra, or those with a Libra ascendant sign, if you believe in astrology. I’m an Aquarian, said to be an out-of-the-box thinker, and presumably the one who probably turned the frame askew.

King insists my middle initials are OC (Obsessive-Compulsive). I prefer to think, however, that it stands for Overly Caring. I just want everyone to be alright.                                               

In and out of showbiz, I am known to be a sleepyhead, “antukin,” and a master at power naps. It’s just as well. In a business where working at ungodly hours is common practice, power naps help carry us through long days and nights of filming. Power naps can be 5, 10, 30 minutes, or 1 hour, depending on available time between takes and lighting and camera set-ups.

Some people get headaches with short naps. God is good to me. At every opportunity available, I can just close my eyes and promptly head to dreamland anywhere, on or off the set, on a comfy sofa or a high back chair. My record breaker was sleeping on a table on the set when I didn’t have my portable bed nearby or a nearby sofa. Almost automatically, when the Assistant Director barks, “Rehearsal!” or Take na tayo,” I awaken as if by magic and get up effortlessly to block or act out the scene without much ado, and with my faculties in high gear.

Off the set, at home or at work, even in social settings, I can catch a wink lying down, sitting, standing, walking. Someone once said the only thing I cannot do is sleep with my eyes open. I can sleep with guns blaring, chatter on-going, a faucet dripping, or whooshing waterfalls. I can will my sleep. Amidst continuous work, when exhausted, I beg others’ indulgence for a short respite and take a 10-minute nap. At will, I’m up in 10 minutes, refreshed, invigorated, and ready for another long stretch. Shortly after I enter a vehicle, I automatically doze off while others chat noisily. I wake up a few minutes before reaching our destination, like having a built-in alarm clock which my guardian angel operates.

But for all this amazing prowess—which I simply attribute to the necessity to make up for lack of sleep—I have guilt pangs about sleeping at the 6:30 a.m. daily mass that King and I attend at the Carmelite Monastery. And as if on schedule, I fall asleep like clockwork at the First Reading and at the early part of the Gospel. At our nightly rosary that King leads, I usually fall asleep at the first or second mystery. By the time I wake up, King is already done and starting with our Divine Mercy Novena. I have a long backlog of rosaries for the Virgin Mary, but She really has been merciful and understanding. (A friend told me my guardian angel always finishes off for me, so I guess, not to worry?)

At last IQ evaluation, I tested 137. Results Recap: Possesses a quick mind; is a fast and efficient planner; has ability to make swift problem resolutions, accurate analyses of reports; has deep understanding, sensitivity, empathy, insight, quick discernment, a mind’s eye beyond 20-20. And more: Has a sharpened Emotional Quotient (EQ) through the years. Top-notch people, connections, and talent. Lasting and authentic relationships.

And yet, and yet...I’m Machine-Challenged, so to speak. I can’t seem to follow instructions, especially with technology and its accoutrements. High-tech gadgets, platforms, programs, you name it. It’s like my mental speed and prowess revert automatically to slow gear when faced with a cellphone, a computer, an appliance, YouTube and Netflix, even a simple coffeemaker and water dispenser. People laugh when I used to refuse to hit the “Send” key when done with my email message, fearing it might explode.

Thank you, King, and my staff, for always coming to the rescue to run tech machines, gadgets, and programs for me. For helping me overcome what you term my mental block.

Book orders may be placed through Hershey at 0922 6544606.