A car cannot function properly if it is not filled up with the right fuel. Fill your car’s tank with diesel when it is supposed to be fueled with gasoline and you can say goodbye to your engine. It will be destroyed in an instant! If a car is not regularly tuned up and maintained, the wear and tear will cause it to break down sooner than it should retire. Driving on an empty gas tank? You will surely get nowhere. The car battery also needs to be charged and replaced from time to time. You are very much like a car. If you neglect regular maintenance, don’t properly gas up and change batteries, you will be unable to function and fail to reach your potential. Worse, you will get sick, both psychologically and physically.
Maintaining, recharging, and refueling for cars are tantamount to self-care for human beings. Self-care is a conscious effort in taking time to do things that will improve your overall wellbeing, especially your mental health. In turn, you will be able to manage stress more effectively, increase your energy level, as well as decrease the risk of developing illnesses.
Unfortunately, we live in a fast-paced environment. The world around us is demanding more than we can reasonably give in a healthy manner. To make matters worse, self-care is viewed as a luxury instead of a crucial element to achieve optimum health. It is also part and parcel of being able to build healthy relationships and productivity.
“Self-care is important because it enhances our wellbeing by keeping us connected to ourselves and what matters most to us,” said Dr. Kaylee Crockett, a clinical psychologist at the University of Alabama at Birmingham Marnix E. Heersink School of Medicine. “It can help prevent illnesses from occurring or recurring, and it builds our capacity to handle stress and recover from adversity.”
Self-care tips are but a click away on the internet. You can choose from myriad self-care activities. There is a hindrance, however, to being able to find the time to get down and do these self-care activities. It is your inability to say “No” to people. That makes you a people pleaser.
Did you know that your people pleasing habits prevent you from taking precious time in investing in yourself? Contrary to what people think, self-care is not being selfish. When you take care of yourself, you are able to effectively and happily take care of your loved ones too.
Here are some scenarios where your people pleasing habits can be detrimental. You are supposed to be watching your diet but you just have to say yes to every invitation to dine out or party. You may be full yet you are afraid to decline the offer of just one more serving of that cake or wine. Do this often and it will not only increase your caloric intake and your weight, but also your blood sugar and cholesterol levels!
Perhaps you have decided to go to the gym on a specific date when your friend asks you out to go shopping or have coffee. You end up cancelling your self-care activity. The best way is to set another appointment for that coffee date and head to the gym as planned. That is your date and commitment to yourself. After all, exercising will boost your serotonin and dopamine levels. These are mood-stabilizing hormones. Coffee and the sugar laden treats that come with it will only increase your body’s inflammatory reactions and cause your mood to go on a high and eventually crash.
Another problem with being a people pleaser is taking on activities and projects that are robbing you of much needed rest and joy. It also takes time off from spending quality time with loved ones. Saying yes to everyone, even your boss, can be detrimental to your health and it also compromises your relationships. On the other hand, being an employer who doesn’t know how to delegate is also an unhealthy habit because you are saying yes to being a slave in your own company yet say no to your wellbeing.
When you have difficulty saying no and need some time to think, you can buy yourself some time by saying: “Let me check my schedule and get back to you.” You can also say: “Let me think about it.” If it is food that is being offered, simply decline a second serving by saying, “I enjoyed the food and I am now full. Thank you.”
Learning how to say no will feel awkward at first. It will take courage to choose yourself and let go of the fear of letting someone down or being disliked. Here are some ways to say no like a pro.
Be polite, but honest and direct. For example: “I’m sorry I don’t or cannot do that.” or “I’m sorry I cannot come.” The problem lies when you feel the need to explain and come up with excuses. To make things better, propose something within your means or you can refer to someone qualified.
Before you decide to say no, contemplate on whether the opportunity presented is an opportunity or simply a distraction. Some opportunities may seem enticing but will derail you from your purpose or goal.
Take the time to invest in yourself and attend to your own self-care needs. Begin by learning how to comfortably say no and set yourself free from your people pleasing habits.