10 questions to ask your child instead of 'How was school?'
Conscious parenting coach Monica Javier explains when children are ready to talk and how parents can keep the conversation going
Published Aug 6, 2026 08:35 am
(Artwork: Nancy Marie Andam)
Your child gets into the car or walks through the door after school. You ask, “How was school?” The answer is usually “Fine,” “Okay,” or “I don’t know.”
This does not necessarily mean something is wrong. The question may simply feel too broad after a day spent listening, learning, following instructions, and being around other people.
Monica L. Javier (Photo: Monica L. Javier)
“At the end of the day, children can be tired or overwhelmed, and asking a big question can demand a huge cognitive load,” says Monica L. Javier, an educator, conscious parenting coach, community and engagement head at Mommy Mundo, and mother of four, ages 23, 21, 19, and eight.
Before asking about school, Monica suggests considering the goal. Is it to connect, learn about their friendships, help them recognize their feelings, or find out whether something is bothering them? The reason will determine what to ask and, just as important, how to listen.
Wait until the child is ready
Some children need a snack, water, movement, rest, affection, or a few minutes alone after school. They may be ready to talk when they appear relaxed, move closer, ask a question, invite a parent to play, or begin sharing on their own.
The best conversation may happen over merienda, during playtime, or before bed. When the moment feels right, try one of these questions.
1. What made you smile today? This helps children remember a positive moment and reveals what brings them joy.
2. What was your favorite part of the day? Focusing on one moment makes the day easier to recall and shows what mattered most to them.
3. Who did you spend time with? Their answers can help parents learn more about the friends and classmates they naturally seek out.
4. Did you help someone today, or did someone help you? This opens a conversation about kindness and how the child relates to others.
5. What made you feel proud today? The answer may involve a good grade, but it could also be about trying something new or helping someone.
6. Was there a moment that felt hard today? This lets children know they can talk about difficult feelings and shows where they may need support,
7. What made you think really hard today? The question gives importance to effort and curiosity and may reveal what caught the child’s attention.
8. What mistake helped you learn something today? Talking about mistakes as part of learning helps parents understand how the child responds to challenges.
9. Tell me the story of your day. Letting children decide where to begin gives them control over what they want to share.
10. What are you looking forward to tomorrow? The answer may reveal something exciting or bring out a worry about the next day.
One question can be enough
Parents do not have to ask for everything on the list. Monica says one meaningful question is often enough. Give the child time to think, then stay with the story instead of immediately asking something else. Simple responses such as “Tell me more,” “What happened next?” or “How did that make you feel?” can keep the conversation going.
Correcting details, lecturing, minimizing feelings, criticizing another child, or offering solutions too quickly may cause children to stop sharing. Children tend to say more when they know a parent is listening without judging.
When the answer is ‘I don’t know’
“I don’t know” may mean “I’m tired,” “I haven’t processed it,” or “I don’t know where to begin.” Instead of insisting, Monica suggests saying, “That’s okay. You can tell me when you’re ready,” or simply, “I’m happy to see you.”
The way parents begin these conversations can also change with age. Preschool children may communicate more easily through play, drawing, or make-believe. A parent can use toys and ask, “Can Teddy show me what happened today?”
Grade-school children can answer simple, open-ended questions, as long as every conversation does not become a lesson. Teenagers may talk more freely while riding in the car, cooking, walking, or playing a game. Give teenagers their space, but let them know you are there when they feel like talking.
Create a simple ritual
Welcome the child with a smile, a hug, or “I’m happy to see you.” Offer a snack or water and give them time to settle. Ask one thoughtful question when they seem ready, then follow their lead.
Some days may bring long stories. On others, there may be very little to say. The point is not to get a complete report as soon as they come home, but to let them know they can talk when they are ready.
“We want them to grow up knowing that love in our home is never transactional,” Monica says. “It is not based on grades, behavior, achievements, or having a ‘good day.’ They are loved simply because they are our child.”