I was recently consoling a good friend just a few days ago, quite literally helping her pick up from a meltdown. She is going through so many motions, and trying to work out a lot in life right now, while balancing career and motherhood. After breaking down the meltdown and going through it together, I then realized that she was simply overwhelmed with not only trying to navigate her currently troubled life, but also because of the standards she was setting for herself.

Dare I say as a fellow Virgo, I could relate. But in the end, it boiled down to displaced anger, an apology, and I think the best advice I gave her at the moment was just to cry – to cry out her frustrations, and to just let it all out. As a toddler mom, I have come to learn that the root of many tantrums is over-stimulation and frustration too. That overwhelming feeling of not being able to be in control of, and regulate your emotions. Crying does not mean you are weak. Oftentimes, it means you are strong enough to admit the truth, and strong enough to let it all go. Crying can be healing, and sometimes it is what our soul yearns for in the midst of pandemonium, and when the going gets tough.

I am no expert, but sometimes I realize that people just cherish having someone to listen, and will still sometimes choose comfort over a professional. I have also learned through the years that one should only give advice when asked, otherwise, just being an ear is a gift in and of itself. And when your advice is taken, it is humbling, and you must not take that privilege lightly. In fact, to me, it is a sign of trust and vulnerability, and I am that kind of friend who will choose to even invest further.

The tricky part when advising someone is knowing your place. Being truthful does not mean overstepping boundaries because sometimes, someone just needs to say it, and the other just needs to hear it. Know your audience – what that person is going through, her mental load and emotional capacity, and more importantly, her personality – because you do not want to add to the problematic equation. You also need to know when to keep quiet because sometimes silence speaks louder than words, and is most appreciated. It is always more relatable to give advice to someone who has shared in the same, or in similar encounters as you, but from the other side of the stick, there is also something so refreshing about seeing an incident from a completely fresh perspective. Friendship demands mutual respect and understanding; giving and taking. It does not count, but has accountability, integrity and honesty. The right sorts of friendships should be beautiful; they should not burden.

I have close friends from different circles and sectors of society, and I have those very cherished few who I know I have a line and defender with 24/7. Friendship is an investment, and quite simply put, most especially with those you meet later on in life, a risk that you take. It is a relationship that should feel right and come natural, but that you also need to nurture and invest in to truly reap its rewards. I am at that stage in my life where I much rather keep my circles small and quaint, and where quality definitely outshines quantity.

And why do I choose to right about this? As we welcome another month, and as we are nearing the holidays, the days can become increasingly busy and overwhelming. Phone a friend. Sometimes, that is all it takes.