By Senator Risa Hontiveros
They say having a choice is only for the wealthy, the able, those with the means, those with the advantage. Choice is a luxury not everyone can afford—especially women.
For generations, we have been told what we should be. A good wife. A devoted mother. A career woman. A selfless nurturer of our children. The definitions are endless, but the message has always been the same: fit into a mold. Despite the progress in women’s empowerment, it is not enough because many still live under expectations rather than carve our own paths. Again, do we really have a choice?
Many times in my life, as a wife, a mother, or a public servant, I have been forced into this mold. I was told I should take care of my husband, I should focus on raising my children, I should just stay at home full-time. They would ask, why do you need to work outside the house? Your husband can support you and your children. And even as a lawmaker, I have been asked, “Why do you push for investigations even when they are unpopular or when you stand alone?”
I don’t know why at times I need to answer, but I know I need to voice it out. Being a woman means having the right to choose the life that makes us feel whole. And that choice, whether it leads to a successful career, a small business, living on our own, or a home with our partner and children, should be respected, not questioned.
I know women who are in the corporate world, at the top of the management ladder, and have spent years building their careers. They have proven their worth in spaces where they were once unwelcome. But they didn’t choose this path just to prove something, they chose it because they love what they do. It’s where they find self-fulfillment.
I also know women who chose to give up their careers to focus full-time on caring for their families. Every day, they prepare meals and iron uniforms for their children. They help with homework, guide the children in developing good values. Their work may not come with a paycheck, but it is just as important, just as meaningful.
Then, there are women who do both. Some run small businesses or sell in markets, working hard to provide for their families. Some do it by choice, others by necessity, but their efforts remain unseen.
I also know women who chose to stay single. They enjoy adventures, traveling, exploring new hobbies, and building their careers. They chose to break free from stereotypes and live life on their own terms.
The problem is, no matter what we choose, there will always be judgment.
If we choose to prioritize our career, people would ask, “Who will take care of your children?” If we choose to stay at home to care for our kids, they will still have something to say, “Why aren’t you getting a job to help support them, especially in this economy?” If we don’t put effort into how we look, they’ll say we’re not taking care of ourselves enough. But if we do take care of ourselves, they’ll ask why we’re indulging in vanity instead of prioritizing our family’s needs. A woman without children is told, “You’ll regret not having a family. No one’s going to take care of you when you’re old.” A single woman is pitied for being “alone.” The scrutiny is endless, as if our worth can be measured only by what we are being told.
But what if we let go of these expectations? My own journey as a woman has been shaped by choices. Some easy, some painful. I have pursued passions and failed in some. I have let go of dreams that no longer fit the person I was becoming. I have loved deeply, lost painfully, and learned that fulfillment comes in many forms. And through it all, I have realized that my value is not measured by the number of people I have pleased; rather, it is making decisions for myself and owning them.
We owe no one an explanation for our choices. We do not have to justify the life that brings us happiness. We do not have to shrink ourselves to fit someone else’s idea of what a woman should be. Let’s challenge the notion that choice is a privilege reserved for a few. We should never be pressured to fit into the same mold—each of us deserves the freedom to make our own choices and define our own path.