THROUGH UNTRUE

I once read that people who frequent nightclubs prefer experiences best enjoyed in the dark. Dim lights create an atmosphere of secrecy and mystery, tempting them to engage in behaviors they would not want to be caught doing. The darkness also obscures their physical imperfections, making them look more attractive than they truly are.

In contrast, a well-lit environment tends to discourage immoral or illegal behavior. It removes the veil of pretense that often conceals our true selves, exposing our authentic personalities. While being exposed to the light can feel uncomfortable, it engenders honesty, deeper self-understanding, and self-acceptance.

The readings from today’s Mass highlight this truth. Just as when we come near to the light, we see more clearly our defects and imperfections, so when we get closer to Jesus, the more we become aware of our moral failings. The first reading describes how, when Isaiah witnesses the brilliance of God’s glory, he feels unworthy and dirty compared to such magnificence. He exclaims: “Woe to me! I am ruined! For I am a man of unclean lips, and I live among a people of unclean lips” (Isaiah 6:5).

In our Gospel reading, Peter echoes the same reaction. The large number of fish that he caught miraculously paled in comparison to the dazzling presence of Jesus who caused it. Peter feels so undeserving of such a gratuitous experience of grace that he falls before Jesus saying, “Go away from me, Lord; I am a sinful man!” (Luke 5:11).

Isaiah’s and Peter’s reactions resonate with us, especially when we behold the Holy Eucharist lifted during the Mass inviting us to step out of the darkness of sin and into the light of holiness. We say: “Lord, I am not worthy to receive you...”  The more we feel closest to Jesus, the more sharply we perceive our shortcomings.

It is painful to realize that, no matter how hard we try, our aspiration for holiness is shattered daily by our repeated sins and failures. But this realization should not discourage us. Instead, it should propel us toward deeper spiritual growth. Acknowledging our sinfulness leads us to humility and repentance, which, in turn, foster a greater reliance on God’s grace.

In one biography of Pope Francis, “The Great Reformer,” written by Austen Ivereigh, the Pope reflects on an event that happened when he was young.  In 1961, Jorge Mario Bergoglio (his name before becoming Pope) visited the hospital to see his longtime confidant, spiritual director, and benefactor, Fr. Enrico Pozzoli. When he arrived, Fr. Enrico was asleep, so Jorge conversed with a priest in the corridor. After a few minutes, he was told that Fr. Enrico had awakened and was ready to meet him. But Jorge replied, “Tell Fr. Enrico that I already left the hospital.”

A few days later, Fr. Enrico died. When he learned about it, Jorge was devastated. He felt so guilty. He lied to Fr. Enrico to avoid being inconvenienced by the latter.  For years, he regretted what he had done. Perhaps one of Pope Francis’s most famous phrases, “Who am I to judge?” originated from this experience. He understood that no matter how far advanced we are on the road to holiness, our tendency to be selfish and indifferent remains. The more we pursue holiness, the greater our need for God’s mercy and forgiveness.

Trying to be holy is difficult, but not impossible. God would not plant this desire in our hearts if there were no way to achieve it. Living in the darkness of sin may be exciting, but it only leads to regret and despair. St. Paul’s words are clear: “We do not belong to the night or the darkness. Since we belong to the day, let us be sober, putting on faith and love as a breastplate, and the hope of salvation as a helmet” (1 Thessalonians 5:5-8).