Several weeks ago, cable news reported a brutal shooting at a Catholic school chapel in Minneapolis, USA.

The gunman – who later killed himself – snuffed out the lives of two young children, aged eight and 10, and injured close to 20 others. The senseless rampage happened while the schoolchildren were seated at the church pews as they attended the celebration of Holy Mass marking the start of their school year.

While we watched the news coverage, we were filled with both terror and puzzlement. The cruelty of the crime and the senselessness of the gunman’s actions left us dumbfounded. His bullets did not target specific persons; it was a plain and simple, insane act. We cannot understand the kind of mind behind such acts.

The recent shooting incident brought back vivid memories of a similar incident in 2012.

We recall that during that year, our eldest daughter saw on television the news clips on the mass shooting at Sandy Hook Elementary School in Connecticut, USA. In that incident, some 20 children between the ages of six and seven perished. What struck her then was the footage of weeping parents and the massive expression of collective grief by the members of the Sandy Hook community. She was devastated by that sight. She said she could not understand why some people can be capable of inflicting such evil and so much suffering on others, particularly the innocent.

We recall the heartbreaking question she asked: “How can such bad things happen, Daddy?”

How does a father answer such a question?

The fact is, there is nothing much we can say to adequately answer such a question.

We can only do two things: first, to be present in those moments when our children feel the emotional pain caused by cruelty inflicted on people by their fellowmen; and, second, to listen to them.

During these moments, children seek assurance—they want to know they are not alone and that their feelings are valid. Our assuring presence helps them process their pain and arrive at their own resolution.

These unfortunate events wound them emotionally, which may leave scars that may last a lifetime. It is essential that those scars are accompanied by memories of the reassuring company of caring and sympathetic adults, particularly their parents.

Our colleagues in the child psychology field underscore the importance of the role of parents in the lives of children during these instances. According to the US-based National Association for the Education of Young Children, “they are particularly vulnerable to the effects of community disasters and other crises and traumatic events”.

“This is because of their lack of experiences, skills, and resources that would otherwise enable them to independently meet their developmental, social and emotional, mental, and behavioral health needs,” the Association said. “Crises can also potentially have short- and long-term effects on children’s psychological functioning, emotional adjustment, health, and developmental trajectories, and may even have implications for their health and their social and psychological functioning in adulthood,” it added.

“As a group, children are resilient, but they are still among those most at risk of psychological trauma and behavioral difficulties after a crisis,” the Association underscored.

The Child Development Institute, another US-based group, emphasizes the need for an active dialogue between us and our children during these situations.

According to the Institute, “as parents, the best thing we can do to help our kids cope with violent issues is to be available to talk, give reliable and accurate information, and instill our family values about the issues”.

It offers several important steps: first, encourage our children to talk about the incidents of violence they witnessed or heard of; second, reassure our children; third, offer them tools to help them cope with their feelings.

The Institute emphasizes one vital fact: how our children deal with news of violence is largely modeled after our own response to such situations. The Institute advised: “Examine how you approach conflict and know that your child is learning from you and may model the same behavior.”

Realizing this, it becomes important that we clearly define our stand regarding violence and ensure that our children are aware of it. We cannot, do not, and must not capitulate to the culture of violence, either to those happening right here in our country or elsewhere in the world. The incidence of violence must both sadden and anger us. It is never met with passiveness.

Our children must also be shown that we do not respond to violence with violence. We take actions to prevent it from taking over our lives. We must show them that the ways of peace are more effective, and that men and women of peace are what our violence-battered world is looking for today.