A lot of people say I don't look sick. I may look like a picture of wellness, but the truth is, I have been grappling with a chronic debilitating disease called Long Covid for more than 1,140 days — and counting.

I vividly remember that day of the first of December 2021. I was filled with excitement, gladness, and gratitude. Gladness because after 21 days in hospital because of Sars Covid-19 infection, I was finally going home. Gratitude because of the gift of life after going critically ill and almost at the brink of death due to Sars Covid-19. Excitement because I was looking forward to going back to my usual happy life.

My happiness, though, was short-lived. The hope of recovery and being able to go back to my usual life was quashed by a relentless myriad of post-Covid symptoms. I was to find out I had multiple organ damage because of the Sars Covid-19 infection. I was to be one of at least 65 million people suffering from Long Covid globally.

I endured post-Covid symptoms month after month — shortness of breath, difficulty swallowing, hair loss, successive outrageously loud and deep burping I felt like a croaking buffalo frog, breathlessness and elevated heart rate when bending over, heightened sensitivity to noise, light and the usual food and medicine I have been taking. Hardly have I recovered from one symptom, there came another. I was in a state of permanent crisis with suffering that seemed to be unending.

The first two years of Long Covid were like a roller coaster. Three fourths of my lungs were damaged by Sars Covid-19 so I had to struggle with oxygen desaturation, numerous breathless moments, huffing and puffing. I was initially on a high after discharge because with aggressive physical therapy, I was able to literally get back on my feet. On the fifth month with the aid of pulmonary rehab, I could breathe and walk without oxygen support and even play non-competitive ping pong for 15 minutes. I dared walk the 2.2 km Oval of the University of the Philippines in Diliman and made it an hour and a half longer than the usual time.

A month or so after this very momentous milestone, my world went on a downward spiral after a mild non-Covid respiratory infection. I couldn't walk more than 20 steps without getting breathless and zapped out of energy. The symptoms got worse. After doing very simple things like brushing my hair, texting, dressing up, taking a bath, peeling a patola, sitting up for a few minutes, I would find myself in an energy crash — knocked out, devoid of energy I couldn't literally lift a finger.

For days and even weeks, I could be in a crash, in Neverland, cut off from the world.

The saving grace was I didn't suffer from brain fog or any cognitive impairment, so I was able to continue working for two years until the post-Covid fatigue became worse and became a burden.

The cliche “the spirit is willing but the flesh is weak” may be trite but it is very apt for my life with Long Covid. My mind was bursting with things I wanted to do but I would be lucky to be able to accomplish at least one a day.

With all this tortuous journey with Long Covid, it is so easy to get drowned and fall into the deep fathom of the ocean of despair. Clinging to God as my refuge has kept my head above water. Surrendering my life to God has given me peace to just go with the flow.

While I may have been saved from the claws of death from Covid-19, having Long Covid entails slowly dying. The emotional, physical, mental, social toll of Long Covid is immense.

There are too many things that used to give me joy that I couldn't do anymore. Long Covid robbed me of the life and the self I once knew.

The third year of Long Covid was ushered in by very severe fatigue and episodes of waking up briefly in the morning, then conking out for the rest of the day. Thankfully the rest of the days didn't follow suit. I did not have full recovery but the majority of my symptoms seems to have abated.

I got weaned from my supplemental oxygen and only used it when doing an intense activity or exercising. I still couldn't run or dance but I could walk shortly for 10-15 minutes at a time.

The crashes were shorter and milder. I was blessed to be able to at least go out and socialize once a month without crashing. I had a regained some sense of independence being able to engage a bit in some instrumental activities of daily living like planning activities, managing the house, cooking, among others.

Pacing, vitamin supplements, a 120 billion probiotic, meditation, muscle relaxants, pulmonary rehab, journal writing, talk therapy, prayers, friends, family, physical therapy, an almost plant-based diet, a positive attitude, essential oils, singing therapy and acupuncture were instrumental in my progress.

I am slowly coming to terms with the new life ahead of me. I miss and mourn the days of yonder but after reminiscing and feeling the joy of the memories, I have moved on to rearrange and create a life that would be meaningful and joyful in a new world where the pace is slow, structured and planned, a far cry from the life I know.

Relatively, my third year of Long Covid was a good one and gave me a glimmer of hope of a better year, if not a full recovery, this 2025.

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Becks Maraña-GalvezTan is a Long Covid patient going four years now. She is a nurse by profession and was former executive director of Health Futures Foundation, Inc. Together with kindred spirits , she has started initiatives on Long Covid - building support groups, providing channels of information and creating awareness on the not so known emerging chronic disease that is Long Covid.