HEARD IT THROUGH THE GRIPE-VINE: OUR NEW ABNORMAL
The sad, bitter truth for us dads is that Father’s Day isn’t much more than an afterthought, a pale companion piece to the dedicated attention and glory attached to Mother’s Day. And while I’m aware that may not necessarily be the case with every family; if we’re brutally honest about it, we can admit that there’s a whole lot of truth to this observation.
Both Father’s Day and Mother’s Day have been handed down to us via American influence, and the strong promotion of the two days are couched in commercial reasons. If I recall my boyhood days correctly, I can say that celebrating Father’s Day wasn’t even a big thing here in the Philippines until the late 1980’s. It’s reported that it took a proclamation by then President Corazon Aquino to officially recognize Father’s Day as the third Sunday of June, here in the Philippines.
My late mother wasn’t really big on those two days, dismissing them as American celebrations that had more to do with retail and shopping establishments looking for a reason for us to patronize them. As a result, there wasn’t much done in our home to make Father’s Day feel different from any other Sunday. But in true mom-fashion, if we forgot Mother’s Day, there was hell to pay, and she’d make “tampo,” say we didn’t appreciate her. And when we reminisce, we love that about our mom, how she was such a walking contradiction – and even back then, she knew it, slyly smiling when we’d point it out.
And yes, as time passed, there was that strong public sentiment about Filipino mothers not getting enough recognition for the effort they put in; how if the father can be likened to the foundation of the Filipino family, it’s the mother that’s the cement, keeping the edifice standing and alive. How even if the mom is working in a double income family, the duties attached to raising the children, maintaining the household, still fall squarely on her shoulders, and not shared with the father.
Given how this is the Philippine scenario, it was very easy to pile on the guilt factor, and make Mother’s Day take on a significance of its own, far exceeding what efforts could be made to give Father’s Day the same importance. And yes, the Filipina mother does deserve her special day; and as I often remark, as many other days as we can muster. She is often the bedrock of the family, has evolved to be the true foundation keeping it together, the one who lives and breathes “sacrifice.”
While it has been changing, the “man of the house” title traditionally ascribed to the Filipino father has also bestowed him with a degree of aloofness and distance to the inner workings of the family dynamic. For past generations, that image of “I’m making money for us, the family,” would seem to give him license to head home after work, and have his nightly “me-time,” not to be disturbed with family matters. Imagine if the working Mom had that same dispensation? The family would fall apart.
It’s this kind of inequity that has made Mother’s Day such an easy “sell.” And I do use the word “sell” intentionally because the manner in which we now celebrate that day is testament to the success of what my mom referred to as the ones really behind Mother’s Day – the retail and shopping establishments, and let’s now add the malls, and include hotels and integrated resorts, restaurants and recreation centers. A cursory look at the FB and IG feeds on any given Mother’s Day will prove this point. How for some moms and/or the kids, it’s become bragging rights to post pictures, and show off how much effort they had invested in making the day stand out.
Do we get that same kind of coverage and attention to detail on Father’s Day? I don’t think so. Second fiddle to Mother’s Day is the best we can aspire for, and that’s a poor and distant second. Plus the moms out there are super-sly! With a straight face, they’ll all say there’s parity between the two celebrations – then subtly smile or wink at each other over our collective shoulders. And we men, fathers, are so easily fooled; as we so badly want to believe the world holds us in as high a regard as mothers. Again, I don’t think so.
If you don’t believe me, ask any commercial establishment the comparative sales they generate on those two days. As long as they’re catering to the family, it’s a safe bet that they would much rather have two Mother’s Day in a single year. My father’s daze blues lament.