WORD ALIVE

One woman said to another: “You know what? My neighbor is always criticizing her husband. But look at me. My husband is irresponsible, lazy and a drunkard; but have I ever said anything bad about him?” (Look who’s talking!).

In the gospel of this 23rd Sunday, Jesus says, “If your brother (or sister) sins against you, go and show him his fault” (Mt 18,15) and not talk behind his back, as that woman did.
 

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Many of us have the wrong notion that loving someone means not disagreeing when called for. For instance, a friend was seen often in the company of a woman who was not his wife.  His friends gossiped and even joked about the relationship. Poor guy, his marriage broke down. All the friends could say was, “I could see it coming,” but why did they not budge a finger to call his attention before it was too late!
 

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True love and friendship means correcting or disagreeing when a friend, a loved one, a superior or leader is going astray.

In the gospel of this 23rd Sunday, Jesus says, “If your brother sins against you, go and show him his fault” (Mt 18,15). In teaching us about responsibility for others, Christ says that part of love is to correct the faults of others.
 

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When we have to correct people, however, it should not be too harsh, but rather done gently in the spirit of charity and real concern.

As the writer Frank Clark puts it, “Criticism, like rain, should be gentle enough to nourish a man's growth without destroying his roots.” There are strict parents who constantly scold and criticize their children, seeing only what’s negative in them. Consequently, the kids grew up to be shy before people because they lose their self-esteem and confidence. Parents, please take note of this.
 

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“Keep it between the two of you,” Christ says. If you really think that your husband is not spending enough time at home, tell him – and not your next-door neighbor or friend.

It's not easy to speak out. But it is usually better to risk having a friction and solve a problem, rather than allow it to fester until it explodes or push the couple to break up.
 

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Somebody asked, “But what if the person concerned does not listen to your advices and attempts to change?”  A lady answered, “I won’t nag my husband but I pray to God that he will realize his mistake someday.”

Finally, let’s remember that criticism spares no one. Even the Lord Jesus was not spared of harsh remarks and insults: “friend of tax collectors and sinners,” “a glutton and drinker,” “crazy,” to mention some (Mk 3,21). 
 

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Ask yourself: When you see a relative, a friend or co-worker going astray, do you try to call his or her attention? And when you’re corrected, do you get angry? Or would you rather reflect that there may be some truth that can help and guide you? 
 

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In trying to correct other's faults – whether it be a spouse, a son or daughter, a friend or colleague, the following Aesop's fable is worth reflecting. Once the sun and wind made a bet as to who was mightier as to compel a guy wearing a jacket to remove it. 

“That's easy,” the wind bragged as it blew hard and violent. But the more he did, the more the man wrapped his arms around his jacket. After several more attempts, the wind gave up.
 

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It was the turn of the sun. Using no force nor violence, he simply kept raising the temperature. In no time, the man started to perspire. Unable to bear the heat, he quickly removed his jacket.

 
The moral? A persevering, gentle approach is more effective than a harsh, negative one. 
 

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Support seminarians. Let’s help our seminarians who are enrolling for the new school year. Remember how important seminarians are in the church. Without them we cannot have priests, bishops and popes simply because they all start as seminarians. There’s no such thing as “instant priests.”
Moreover, we cannot have ordained ministers to administer the sacraments of the Holy Mass, baptism,  and confession. For inquiry, e-mail me at: [email protected].