Like an artist, a conscious griever makes choices that come from deep within, inviting grief to reveal the healing gift of that particular loss. Grieving consciously creates pathways into deeper self-knowledge, invites an increased ability to be grateful, and encourages connections to loved ones that transcend time and space.― Lisa Irish, "Grieving―The Sacred Art: Hope in the Land of Loss"
They say that time will heal you from the pain, but for those who have lost someone they love, it takes more than just time. Jayson Isaac needed time, space, and art to slowly ease the pain, heal the wounds, and find love again.
He wants to share this with everyone at his first-ever solo exhibit titled "Fidem," happening this Saturday, Sept. 30, 2023, at the Admiral Hotel Manila. This show is more than just showcasing his artworks to the world; it is Jayson’s love letter to his late husband, Raymund Isaac, to himself, and to his family and loved ones who stood by him during the darkest days of his life.
Who is Jayson Vicente Isaac?
Born and raised in Olongapo City, Jayson grew up with humble beginnings. However, artistic blood already ran in his veins, as his father was a photographer and a small business owner, while his mother, Lilia Vicente, was a loving homemaker.
Even though Jayson was inclined toward the artistic path from a young age, he needed to set it aside to earn a living. He pursued a Bachelor of Science in Industrial Design at the Mapua Institute of Technology in Manila through a scholarship program. After several years in this career, in 2009, Jayson met a man who would change his life forever.
A love story written in the stars
In an era when homosexual love was still taboo, Jayson met the famed fashion and advertising photographer Raymund Isaac. The couple wrote their own love story, a partnership that also gave birth to a successful business—Portfolio Studio, which started in 2012.
Fast forward to the Covid-19 pandemic; in 2021, the couple traveled to the United States. That's when they decided to finally tie the knot, marking the beginning of a happily-ever-after for two people who truly loved one another, or so they thought. Two days after the wedding day, Raymund contracted the Covid-19 virus, and on the sixth day, he was hospitalized.
While Jayson was recovering, the opposite was happening to his other half. Filled with doubt, fear, and uncertainty, Jayson did everything he could to be with his husband.
“Parang teleserye. Gagawin mo lahat para sa asawa mo (It's like a soap opera. You would do everything for your spouse),” he painfully but bravely reminisced. “Yung Filipino nurse, pinuslit ako para makapasok sa ICU. May suot na PPE, mask, and ID, dun nya ako dinaan sa staff area. Alam ko na kapag nakita ako ng asawa ko lalakas loob n’ya. And that’s what happened (The Filipino nurse discreetly helped me to enter the ICU. Wearing PPE, a mask, and an ID, he guided me through the staff area. I knew that when my spouse saw me, it would give him courage. And that's what happened).”
With so much emotion in his eyes, Jayson shared that for several days, he stayed in the ICU for 10 to 12 hours each day, remaining beside his husband and attending to his needs.
"He touched my face and said, 'You're the best thing that happened to me,'" he recalls. "You're the best thing that happened to me."
But maybe even the greatest love someone can give is not enough to cure a disease. After 43 days of confinement, Raymund finally found his rest. With immense pain and grief, Jayson returned to the Philippines with the urn containing his beloved husband.
“Twelve years. Twelve years nasanay ka na kasama mo siya,” he says. “Tapos bigla pag-uwi mo sa bahay wala na siya. Dala ko yung urn nya. Kasama ko yung aso sa bahay. Hindi ko alam ang gagawin ko iyak ako ng iyak (Twelve years. Twelve years you got used to having him with you," he says. "Then suddenly, when you come home, he's no longer there. I brought his urn with me. Our dog was with me at home. I didn't know what to do; I just kept crying).”
The new beginning
And that’s the beginning of the darkest days in his life. He began spiraling down into depression.
“Dati akala ko yung depression pang mayaman lang yan. Until it happened to me. Nanginginig ako, nanlalamig, nagsusuka (I used to think that depression was something only rich people experienced. Until it happened to me. I was trembling, feeling cold, and vomiting),” he shares. “They told me that I should seek help, go to a psychiatrist. Pero naisip ko no. Kung nandito pa yung asawa ko hindi siya papayag na magtake ako ng ganyang mga medication (But then I thought, no. If my husband were still here, he wouldn't allow me to take such medications).”
That's when he decided to start anew, even though he didn't know where to begin. Jayson began to engage in more physical activities and workouts, and as an artist, he started searching for an outlet to channel his thoughts and emotions. Thus, the birth of “Fidem.”
This 16-piece art exhibition is a love story, a love letter, and a healing avenue for someone who went through a lot but never lost his faith. That is why most show pieces are inspired by the saints he prayed to, especially those days when Raymund was in critical condition.
“People who will buy my works are lucky,” he tells Manila Bulletin Lifestyle. “So much prayers and emotions are invested in it.”
And truly, it is. Some of Jayson's works are thumb-painted, while others took him months to finish, with his tears becoming part of the medium used to make the piece.
“Fidem. A Solo Art Exhibit by Jason Isaac'' will officially open on Sept. 30, 2023 at Admiral Hotel Manila. Some proceeds will go to Jayson’s selected non-profit organization to benefit HIV patients. Organizers will also hold a silent auction for one of his paintings.