By JACQUELINE LUCERO

₱5: (Urinate)
₱10: (Defecate)
₱15: (Shower)

In Filipino, these are the typical signs and fees you see when you use the public restrooms in the Philippines. It’s literally a pay-per-pee, poop, and shower scheme you will encounter all throughout your journey.

If you’re planning a road trip, there’s one thing you need to prepare for and add to your budget: coins for bathroom breaks. You won’t find any fancy restrooms with fresh flowers and scented candles here, but this restroom break is not your typical pit stop experience either.

Instead, you’ll be dropping your coins in a chute for the privilege of using a less-than-luxurious comfort room you usually find at gas stations, churches, public markets, and bus terminal pit stops.

Need to take a quick whiz? No problem; just drop in ₱5. That’s cheaper than a pack of gum! But if you’re about to lay a brick, you’ll need to cough up ₱10. And if you want to take a quick bath in questionable water, well, that’ll set you back between ₱15 and ₱25.

Now, let’s get one thing straight: These restrooms are not for the faint of heart. Some have a barely-there trickle of water, others don’t even have running water at all. And don’t even think about asking for toilet paper, unless you’re carrying your own. But when you gotta go, you gotta go, and these restrooms will do the trick.

I remember my aunt once asking what would happen if you didn’t have the extra ₱10 pesos for a number two emergency. My other aunt had a solution: Just do it quietly and only pay the ₱5 fee. It’s like a ninja move—silent but deadly.

Vandals on the wall, written with a Sharpie, and at the back of the cubicle door are common too. You may chance upon a short confession of love written inside a drawn heart. It’s like a secret language that only those who take a longer break in the toilet can decipher. You’ll find all sorts of confessions and declarations of love, like “Juanita loves Miguel” or “Romeo + Julieta 4ever.” Or just a matter-of-fact like “Maritess wiwi here” (Maritess peed here). 

It’s not just love that’s on display. Nowadays, people also leave their phone numbers for those who might need a quick chat while they do their ₱10-peso business. It’s like Craigslist for bathroom buddies.
So next time you’re sitting on the porcelain throne, take a moment to appreciate the artistry and creativity of the bathroom writers. Just don’t forget to wash your hands on your way out.

The next concern is… bags, the ever-tricky accessory we just can’t seem to live without. They hold our precious belongings, our snacks, and even our hopes and dreams. But what happens when nature calls and you find yourself in a public toilet, armed with a handbag or multiple bags? It’s like a game of Jenga, but with your dignity on the line.

Why is this a problem, you ask? Because it is not uncommon to find any sanitary space in that cubicle you were hoping to use. It’s like playing a game of Russian roulette with your bags. Will they survive the floor, or will they come out unscathed? It’s a gamble we’re not always willing to take.

So, what’s a girl to do when it’s time to use the bathroom? Leave your bags with your trusty companion, of course! That is, if you have a companion with you. If not, then it’s a balancing act that you have to figure out before you take that much-needed bathroom break.

Of course, there are options to go to the malls or any establishments like Jollibee to do your business, but when you are traveling, these places are far away and often located in city centers or downtowns and rarely on the Maharlika roads or thoroughfares of the provinces you pass by.

If you’re a foreigner visiting the Philippines, this pay-per-use restroom system can be a unique cultural immersion experience. It’s an opportunity to learn to appreciate the little things in life, like a clean, functional restroom back home. You’ll also gain valuable skills, such as how to maneuver yourself into a relatively small cubicle because these are typically designed with Filipino height and size in mind. It’s like a rite of passage, but instead of a vision quest, you’re taking a number two while on your tippy toes.

And oh, by the way, not only will your heavy coins come in handy anywhere you go, but even a cup of hot water for your instant coffee or noodles will cost ₱5 from any sari-sari store you would stop by. Also, don’t expect anyone to have change for a bill either, which is why you better come prepared with your coins ready to go.

So buckle up, get your heavy coins, toilet essentials, and tip-toeing skills ready for the trip! Let’s go!