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Manila Bulletin devider Entertainment devider Celebrities devider GOSSIP GIRL: Amusing movie reviews online

GOSSIP GIRL: Amusing movie reviews online

Published Mar 14, 2023 02:57 am

If you're looking for a critique before watching a Pinoy film either on a streaming platform or in cinemas all around the Philippines, you might want to check out the reviews of @goldwinreviews on Instagram or on Facebook (25,000 followers). I don’t know the real person behind these Instagram and Facebook accounts because he or she refuses to tell Gossip Girl. “I am so sorry, I prefer to keep that info private. Lately andaming nambash po sa akin because of the three political movies I reviewed. Nakaka-trauma at paranoid po to be honest. I am also not a professional movie reviewer.”    Professional or non-professional, let me cite to you parts of his reviews of several films and you be the judge. I just find these reviews amusing and worth writing in my column. As I have not viewed these films yet, I cannot agree or disagree with his critiques:   

MOM: Martyr or Murderer directed by Darryl Yap (film)
Maganda ang simula. Ramdam mong pinaghandaan at pinagkagastusan. Ngunit sa kalagitnaan, unti-unti itong naging matamlay…Nakakakilabot sana ang tapatan nila Cesar Montano at Isko Moreno bilang Marcos at Aquino, ngunit kulang ang kanilang naging eksena upang maramdaman ang mo ang tensyon na namagitan sa kanila…Christine Reyes is an effective actress, along with Rose Van Ginkel. Their tandem is unexpectedly good and refreshing but sadly underutilized….Pang-comedy ang iyak ni Ruffa Gutierrez at pang talk show ang boses niya kahit nagagalit na. -  *This one is harsh @goldwinreviews , no wonder you get death threats. If Tita Annabelle Rama would read this, start preparing your tombstone and necrological services…*

Oras de Peligro directed by Joel Lamangan (film)
Some scenes can be dry, while others can be theatrical.The scoring is inadequate. The insertion of the news footage is abrupt…the actors did most of the work…you can feel their pain and anger… -  @goldwin reviews rated both MOM and Oras de Peligro 2 out of 5. 

Ako si Ninoy directed by Vince Tañada (film)

   With 11 stories being compressed into a two-hour movie, no one stood out. The real protagonists are not the characters but the characteristics and admirable traits of a Filipino. There’s indeed a hero in all of us…  Rating: 2 out of 5 

Lawa directed by Phil Giordano (streaming on Vivamax)

 
Pinaghalong travel video at sex video ang datingan. Travel video sa ganda ng kuha. Sex video dahil walang istorya….Wala talaga. Walang-wala kang mapapala sa Lawa. - Phil Giordano is now hunting you @goldwinreviews and is planning to drown you in the lake where they shot this film. I will not be surprised to find @goldwinreviews floating in Pasig River next week especially after giving Lawa 0 out of 5 rating. 

Salamat Daks directed by Bobby Bonifacio (No. 1 streaming in Vivamax now)
Mula sa nakakaumay na mga palabas ay nagkaroon bigla ng kakaibang init at sigla ang kadiliman ng gabi. Ang tambalang Alma Moreno at Niko Natividad ang pinaka-hot at sexy na loveteam ngayon sa Vivamax….All the cast are funny in their own ways…Ang boses ni Giselle Sanchez, ang sigaw ni Marissa Sanchez…ang todo-bigay acting ni Ayanna Misola. He rated our film 3 out of 5….@goldwinreviews you are so hard to please. Nevertheless your reviews will make the film indutry’s directors, writers and producers do better. Just make sure Tita Anabelle or Direk Phil Giordano do not find out who you are. Seriously speaking, knowing Ruffa Guttierez, she will just shrug off this negative critique about her and she will just say, “Good or bad publicity is still publicity. In our age, we should be thankful we are relevant.” – I agree with Ruffa and yes she did say this to me before.   
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