THE VIEW FROM RIZAL

How do I begin the year right? What resolutions should I make?

A friend from college asked me this question at a Christmas gathering. The question made me recall a piece of advice I shared with our readers several years ago in this column.
I recall that my wife used to ask me a similar question at the end of each year. She would say, “So, what are your New Year's resolutions?”

I never resented the question. I had always been aware that this is a standard question husbands hear on the day following the New Year celebrations. I would not fault wives for this. This is an indication that wives believe it is best to start the year with a clear goal. I could not agree more.

My reply to her question that particular year, however, surprised her.

“None,” was my unexpected answer.

I saw the surprised look on her face. I was sure she was expecting me to share with her the traditional list of the usual resolutions we set at the start of the year, such as dieting to lose the unwanted pounds; reducing cholesterol intake; going to the gym more often; or making the difficult promise that we will deal with our uncontrollable temper.
“What do you mean,” she replied, still with a puzzled look.

I attempted to explain. I said I did not want to begin the New Year with “resolutions.” I wanted to start the year differently.

“I want to begin the year with new year absolutions,” I declared.

“Absolve” before “resolve,” I said, hoping to make my point clear.

If that does not help make the point clear to our readers, I shall expound.

Let me clarify that beginning the New Year with “resolutions” is not bad at all.

However, “resolutions” have a rather negative ring to them – they begin with the assumption that there are things wrong with you that you need to repair. This approach triggers guilt and makes us look at ourselves as damaged individuals.

Then, we would promise to try again and then we fail again.

I decided I would break the vicious cycle and begin the New Year with “absolutions.”

Here’s what I mean: I start the year by “absolving” myself for my failures during the past year. I recognize the fact that there are goals I failed to meet, admitting that I am responsible for such failure, and that, as a responsible adult, I accept and embrace the consequences.

The next step in this internal process is to say this to myself: “I will no longer count these failures against myself”. I am releasing myself from the guilt that follows past mistakes. This is a good process. It clears both the mind and the heart. The “absolution” allows us to map out a good way forward.

The next step is to set an ideal. I visualize the version of me that I would like to bring out during the year. Then, I break up the “ideal” into reasonable and manageable goals – goals that can be measured. For example, if my “ideal” is a “slimmer” me, then the reasonable and manageable goal would be “weight loss measured in terms of number of pounds lost per month” or “weight reduction measured by number of pounds lost by Dec. 15, 2024.”

The “goal” is followed by setting a “reference point.” This is where I am today. Again, if the goal is “pounds lost,” the “reference point” would be “current weight.”

Next step: Options. This refers to a menu of actions I can take to achieve the goal set for the year. It is good to begin with a list of available options before settling for some. For example, among my options could be enrolling at a gym, setting aside time for brisk walking, taking up running, or adopting a diet program, among others.

Finally, it is time to choose the best option and commit to the next steps. I call this my “way forward.”

Goal. Reference Point. Options. Way forward.

To remember this process, I keep in mind the first letters of each word and which spell “I GROW.”

Each New Year is an opportunity to “grow.” To grow as a person. To bring out the better version of who we are. The process begins with letting go of the past. By absolving ourselves from our failures in the year we left behind.