GUEST COLUMNIST

One of the solid values that my boss, Sec. Mina Pangandaman said she lives by is this: “Always be kind, as kindness is never wasted.”

These are simple but very powerful words that struck a chord in my heart and being. I agree that one should never take kindness for granted. Indeed, greatness can be your triumph, but kindness can be your lasting legacy. 

Believe me, I have been trying so hard to live my life according to this truth. But honestly, it has been a struggle and challenge to abide by it— especially the part where Sec. Mina said that “It’s in stressful environments that we should be at our kindest.” It may be the simplest of acts, she added, but it can ripple and have considerable effects on your life and the lives of others.

More often, it is difficult to show and express kindness. But its degree of difficulty in the face of frustration, anger, resentment, and fear of failure is what makes it all the more fulfilling.

With all honesty, I have struggled to show kindness, particularly at work. Perhaps it is because of my passion to excel in whatever undertaking or endeavor I let myself enter. I always tell those who choose to work with me, "I am not an easy boss. Some say I am a dragoness. In fact, at times, I even scold myself whenever I get angry. Who wants to be angry anyway? 

You see, I am aware that I may be an exacting person, and I do have a rather high set of standards when it comes to work. But never have I ever demanded anything from anyone that was impossible to accomplish. I should know, especially since I have risen from the ranks and have also experienced carrying out the same functions.

I will admit that, at times, I find it really difficult to voice out kindness especially since I have been trained in a highly competitive environment where emotions are not explicitly expressed. After all, we have our own personal demons that we are in constant battle with as we strive to become better versions of ourselves.

DBM Secretary Mina Pangandaman (Department of Budget and Management official website)

And so I also wonder what our superiors think about these traits and what actually triggers their sensibilities. We may think they are superhumans, but believe me when I say this: “Bosses are humans, too. They get hurt and frustrated… maybe even far worse than we do.”

I may be oversimplifying, but generally speaking, what’s wrong with some of us is this— we easily rant and gossip every time we see something wrong about other people, especially our bosses. But, sometimes, we forget to realize what we have not been demanding from ourselves to earn that certain level of trust, kindness and confidence we are demanding from them. 

There are different styles of leadership. There are also different languages of love. Just because you perceive someone as cold or indifferent does not mean he or she does not care for you.  

And so before you demand kindness from anyone, may it be from your boss, friend, relative or loved one, ask yourself first, “Have I been kind?”
I believe it is not good to judge or rant behind their backs when we feel unappreciated or feel we deserve better treatment. As a native American proverb says, "Never judge another man until you have walked a mile in his moccasins." 

We never know what people genuinely go through to have a full supper and a modicum of enjoyment. Remember, we only know the name of that person and a certain side of him or her. We do not know the person as a whole. Chances are we'll have assumptions and opinions that are inaccurate.

As we contemplate this, maybe, just maybe, we will be better off if we constantly put ourselves in their position and ponder if we have been fair or not in the way we interacted with them. I know it’s difficult, but hey! There’s nothing if we start trying now (myself included). 

And whether you are the boss or the subordinate, kindness is something that we should all embrace and sincerely bestow because how it is paid back to us or passed on to others will be the most amazing feeling ever.

This is why the words of Sec. Mina on kindness really resonate with me.

As a parting thought, let me just put this out here: Kindness, which should never be confused with weakness, will make the world a better place for all of us.

Be kind. 

Let’s just do it.