MEDIUM RARE

You can die of loneliness.
 

That’s not me talking.

“It’s like hunger or thirst; it’s a feeling the body sends us when something we need for survival is missing,” said US surgeon general Dr. Vivek Murphy in an 81-page report as summarized by Associated Press earlier this year. Loneliness, the doctor said, is as deadly as smoking 15 cigarettes a day.

“Evelyn” was born in the Philippines, moved to a busy city in the US where her three children finished their studies. When her husband died and the children moved out of their family home, Evelyn was left with an empty nest, in a house too large and quiet for her. Some nights she cannot sleep because she’s not used to being alone while the night creeps along, dark and cold and long.  

Not everyone who lives alone is lonely. There’s Netflix, there’s Marites, though it’s not hard to imagine why the elderly feel more alone when they’re by themselves. Back in the day, a society editor who was in her 60s, unmarried and without children, confessed that as soon as she reached home she would turn on the TV to give her a semblance of company.
While millions of Filipinos struggle with the reality of sharing their living space with too many relatives, Americans, in Dr. Murphy’s view, “have become less engaged with worship, community organizations and even their own family members in recent decades.” Quite a contrast with our situation, but how alone is alone?

Marsha Cajulis Paras, my classmate in UST Philosophy and Letters, lived alone for many years as a young widow, though “alone” included her faithful helper Ofelia. Sometime before she crossed over to that better place, Marsha made a little postcard “for my super senior friends who are alone.” On second thought, “all of them have children who care for them; remember their special occasions; and will be there when needed, just a call away.” Just the same, she distributed those cards “for the rare times when you think you feel all alone.”
Marsha’s reminder: When you think you’re all alone, ask yourself, “How would our Blessed Mother have felt and acted, old and alone as she was” in her little house in Ephesus (in today’s Turkey)?