By Judee Bendiola

Filipinos are known around the world for our warm hospitality. What distinguishes us from other nationalities is how we wear our hearts out, to the point that we go out of our way to make everyone feel that they are at home. Whenever there are fiestas (feast), handaan (gatherings), or parties, we usually fill our tables with sumptuous dishes and we gladly share them with our relatives, guests, and even neighbors. Filipino gatherings will not be the same without karaoke sessions, as well as parlor games where kids and adults really have fun. Before everyone leaves, there will always be pabaon or take-away food to bring home and reheat the next day. This is the kind of gathering that every Filipino overseas always miss.

Looking at Germany in particular, parties are different from what Pinoys have been accustomed to. We cannot generalize all Germans, of course. One can observe, however, that well-traveled Germans or at least those who have had experiences abroad tend to be more open to other cultures. They have an undeniable budding curiosity about anything that is new, and they have an eager desire to understand other cultures. Without a doubt, they are always willing to help, support, and offer a lending hand. During these trying times, there are a lot of locals who even open their homes to foreigners in need, especially refugees in crisis.

Other Germans living in the countryside or small villages have a very specific, common way of living, and a very conservative look to foreigners. They have strong knitted familial and social groups and it will take time or even years before one can be invited to their inner circle. Our pagkakamay or our way of eating with bare hands is a no-go for some Germans since they adhere to rigid rules of table manners that have been instilled in them since they were young. Taking flat-lay pictures of food or having group photos also irritates others, especially if one is posting these images on social media because they have strong data privacy issues. Some are just merely hard-headed that their strong sense of individuality is far greater than their sense of camaraderie. They opt not to adjust or change for anyone, especially not for foreigners. That is the life that they are used to, and no one can ever break that.

This polarizing contrast may seem so hard to understand at first, especially if you are new in the country. But interactions also depend on which age group one might be mingling with and the openness that these groups have in embracing a foreign culture.

Given these differences, how could one follow the famous line “when in Rome (or, in this case, Germany), do as the Romans (or Germans) do” without losing the warmth and flair of being a Filipino especially in normal social gatherings?

The best way to anyone's heart is through their stomach

One tried and tested formula to break the ice is bringing Filipino culture right at the center of the German dining table. This is an amazing way to introduce our roots while tickling their taste buds with lumpiang shanghai, pancit, menudo, caldereta, and our most beloved adobo with rice.

These are just some suggested Filipino dishes that German locals love and have proven to be a hit, especially in potluck gatherings. Talking about food and eating these sumptuous dishes together can be a good starting point for how locals to have a glimpse of our Pinoy parties and how we pour our hearts out in preparing these dishes. More importantly, our Pinoy meals are known to not only satisfy hunger but also for their magical way of bringing everyone together.

Find the right topic for the right group

Each German party will be different depending on who the attendees are, where it is located, and what kind of gathering is being held. At a normal house party, small topics like the next day’s weather, planned holidays, professional experience, and current events are some good conversation starters. From there, depending on one’s proficiency with the German language, in-depth talk may be possible. It goes without saying that if one has a fluent grasp of the language, it is easier for the locals to understand them, giving way for better and more meaningful exchanges. Germans sincerely appreciate people who speak their language.

Accept and find the best way to be yourself

What has been shared in this article are some bits and pieces of various scenarios one may experience. Honestly, there are a lot of things that German’s do quite differently compared to us, like the contrast between their punctuality and our sense of “Filipino time.” Migration, however, always includes adjustments. The greater the cultural divide, the more adjustments to the way we do things are necessary. There are those who believe that migrants must learn to fully assimilate the culture of their new country and completely integrate, even to the point of leaving their roots where they were. Others espouse a more open attitude, more accepting of cultural diversity and even advocating for social policies that promote equity and inclusion.

Regardless of where your feet may wander, here are some tips that might prove useful:

• Enjoy every social situation you find yourself in
• Always stay true to yourself while remaining courteous and respectful of others, even in the most uncomfortable situation
• Value, as well as reciprocate, the respect people show you—whether they be Germans or our own kababayan

And, during this pandemic, kindly adhere to the stated government rules and regulations in your area. Have fun and party responsibly!

Contributing writer Judee Bendiola is a Filipino expat in Germany. Get to know Judee on Instagram, Facebook, YouTube, and Twitter at @iamjudeebee. She is also currently working as a Marketing & Communication professional for Non-profits. You can reach out for possible collaboration via LinkedIn or at [email protected]. Join her advocacy in supporting the Global Filipino community and share her stories.