Wedding bells during the pandemic
Published Jan 7, 2021 11:55 pm
CHANGING WORLD
Dr. Bernardo M. Villegas
(Part 2)
As already mentioned, those who took up the challenge of marriage during the pandemic showed both human courage and supernatural vision. With widespread unemployment and industries collapsing, starting a family will definitely not be a walk in the park. These couples, however, realised that they were not going to depend on their own human resources alone. They know, that precisely because they are responding to a divine call, they can count on superabundant graces from above. They are very aware of what Pope Francis wrote in “Love in the Family”: “The sacrament of marriage is not a social convention, an empty ritual or merely the outward sign of a commitment. The sacrament is a gift given for the sanctification and salvation of the spouses, since their mutual belonging is a real representation, through the sacramental sign, of the same relationship between Christ and the Church. The married couple are therefore a permanent reminder for the Church of what took place on the cross; they are for one another and for their children witnesses of the salvation in which they share through the sacrament. Marriage is a vocation, in as much as it is a response to a specific call to experience conjugal love as an imperfect sign of the love between Christ and the Church. Consequently, the decision to marry and to have a family ought to be the fruit of a process of vocational discernment.”
The pleasure that God put in the marriage act is also viewed from a supernatural viewpoint by Christian couples. They realise what Pope Francis wrote about the conjugal act: “Sexual union, lovingly experienced and sanctified by the sacrament, is in turn a path of growth in the life of grace for the couple. It is the ’nuptial mystery.’ The meaning and value of their physical union is expressed in the words of consent in which they accepted and offered themselves each to the other, in order to share their lives completely. Those words give meaning to the sexual relationship and free it from ambiguity. More generally, the common life of husband and wife, the entire network of relations that they build with their children and the world around them, will be steeped in and strengthened by the grace of the sacrament. For the sacrament of marriage flows from the incarnation and the paschal mystery, whereby God showed the fullness of his love for humanity by becoming one with us. Neither of the spouses will be alone in facing whatever challenges may come their way. Both are called to respond to Gods’ gift with commitment, creativity, perseverance and daily effort. They can always invoke the assistance of the Holy Spirit who consecrated their union, so that his grace may be felt in every new situation that they encounter.”
Needless to say, since grace works on nature, husband and wife must use all their talents, resources and human virtues to make a success of their marriage. The couple should also reflect on what Pope Francis reminded all baptised Christians about the “universal call to sanctity” in his other Apostolic Exhortation entitled “The Joy of the Gospel.” Each of them must strive for holiness in the ordinary circumstances of their lives which are now permeated through and through by their decision to marry. Together with their respective work, the duties of marriage and family life will be the stuff out of which they will win their eternal salvation. They have to know how to sanctify their marriage itself, sanctify themselves through their marriage and sanctify others by the example of their holy marriage. Couples sanctify their marriage by exerting all the human efforts necessary to make it successful: looking for the financial means to support themselves and the children that God will send them; acquiring the necessary knowledge and wisdom to be able to raise their children to become God-fearing and law-abiding adults; planning for their old age, etc. To sanctify their marriage, it has to be as humanly perfect as possible within their talents and resources.
Even more important is the sanctification of each of the partners in marriage through the daily realities of living together with one another and their children. Responding to the universal call to sanctity especially requires the cultivation of all the human and supernatural virtues that God demands of each of us, such as faith hope, charity, prudence, temperance, fortitude and justice plus many others. In the daily realities of marriage and family life will be found all the opportunities to cultivate these virtues with the all powerful help of the grace they received in the Sacrament of Matrimony and other Sacraments Christ left for our sanctification, such as Sacramental Confession and the Holy Eucharist. As in the sanctification of ordinary work, the battle to acquire these virtues will have to last till the end of their lives. Let me give special mention to the queen of all virtues, charity. Especially crucial to the success of a marriage and the upbringing of children is that aspect of charity that St. Paul considered is the first way to live the love of God and of neighbour.
In I Corinthians 13:4-7, St. Paul gave the highest priority to patience in defining what love is. His very first line in the Hymn to Love, is “Love is patient.” Let us read how Pope Francis comments on this passage: Patience “does not simply have to do with ‘enduring all things’, because we find that idea expressed at the end of the seventh verse. it refers..to the quality of one who does not act on impulse and avoids giving offence. We find this quality in the God of the Covenant, who calls us to imitate him also within the life of the family. St. Paul’s texts using this word need to be read in the light of the Book of Wisdom which extols God’s restraint, as leaving open the possibility of repentance, yet insists on his power, as revealed in his acts of mercy. God’s ‘patience’, shown in his mercy towards sinners, is a sign of his real power…Being patient does not mean letting ourselves be constantly mistreated, tolerating physical aggression or allowing other people to use us. We encounter problems whenever we think that relationships or people ought to be perfect or when we put ourselves at the center and expect things to turn out our way. Then everything makes us impatient, everything makes us react aggressively. Unless we cultivate patience, we will always find excuses for responding angrily. We will end up incapable of living together, antisocial, unable to control our impulses, and our families will become battlegrounds….”
There are three phrases which Pope Francis advices marriage couples to use as frequently possible for them to cultivate the virtue of patience as a means of living charity, the queen of all virtues. These are “Please” or “May I”; “Thank you”; and “I am sorry.” I would suggest to newly married couples to actually look for every opportunity to utter these words in the daily circumstances of their lives. These words frequently on the lips of married couples will go a long way to kill one’s super ego, which is the greatest obstacle to love, peace and harmony within marriage and the family. The example of the parents using these phrases as frequently as circumstances allow will also be a great example to the children about how they can express their love to their parents and to one another. In fact, another very practical advice given to parents by both Pope Francis and St. Josemaria Escriva, Founder of Opus Dei, is never to quarrel in front of their children. If they must quarrel, let it be in the privacy of their bedroom and they should not go to bed before making up and saying “Sorry” to one another. For comments, my email address is [email protected]
Dr. Bernardo M. Villegas
(Part 2)
As already mentioned, those who took up the challenge of marriage during the pandemic showed both human courage and supernatural vision. With widespread unemployment and industries collapsing, starting a family will definitely not be a walk in the park. These couples, however, realised that they were not going to depend on their own human resources alone. They know, that precisely because they are responding to a divine call, they can count on superabundant graces from above. They are very aware of what Pope Francis wrote in “Love in the Family”: “The sacrament of marriage is not a social convention, an empty ritual or merely the outward sign of a commitment. The sacrament is a gift given for the sanctification and salvation of the spouses, since their mutual belonging is a real representation, through the sacramental sign, of the same relationship between Christ and the Church. The married couple are therefore a permanent reminder for the Church of what took place on the cross; they are for one another and for their children witnesses of the salvation in which they share through the sacrament. Marriage is a vocation, in as much as it is a response to a specific call to experience conjugal love as an imperfect sign of the love between Christ and the Church. Consequently, the decision to marry and to have a family ought to be the fruit of a process of vocational discernment.”
The pleasure that God put in the marriage act is also viewed from a supernatural viewpoint by Christian couples. They realise what Pope Francis wrote about the conjugal act: “Sexual union, lovingly experienced and sanctified by the sacrament, is in turn a path of growth in the life of grace for the couple. It is the ’nuptial mystery.’ The meaning and value of their physical union is expressed in the words of consent in which they accepted and offered themselves each to the other, in order to share their lives completely. Those words give meaning to the sexual relationship and free it from ambiguity. More generally, the common life of husband and wife, the entire network of relations that they build with their children and the world around them, will be steeped in and strengthened by the grace of the sacrament. For the sacrament of marriage flows from the incarnation and the paschal mystery, whereby God showed the fullness of his love for humanity by becoming one with us. Neither of the spouses will be alone in facing whatever challenges may come their way. Both are called to respond to Gods’ gift with commitment, creativity, perseverance and daily effort. They can always invoke the assistance of the Holy Spirit who consecrated their union, so that his grace may be felt in every new situation that they encounter.”
Needless to say, since grace works on nature, husband and wife must use all their talents, resources and human virtues to make a success of their marriage. The couple should also reflect on what Pope Francis reminded all baptised Christians about the “universal call to sanctity” in his other Apostolic Exhortation entitled “The Joy of the Gospel.” Each of them must strive for holiness in the ordinary circumstances of their lives which are now permeated through and through by their decision to marry. Together with their respective work, the duties of marriage and family life will be the stuff out of which they will win their eternal salvation. They have to know how to sanctify their marriage itself, sanctify themselves through their marriage and sanctify others by the example of their holy marriage. Couples sanctify their marriage by exerting all the human efforts necessary to make it successful: looking for the financial means to support themselves and the children that God will send them; acquiring the necessary knowledge and wisdom to be able to raise their children to become God-fearing and law-abiding adults; planning for their old age, etc. To sanctify their marriage, it has to be as humanly perfect as possible within their talents and resources.
Even more important is the sanctification of each of the partners in marriage through the daily realities of living together with one another and their children. Responding to the universal call to sanctity especially requires the cultivation of all the human and supernatural virtues that God demands of each of us, such as faith hope, charity, prudence, temperance, fortitude and justice plus many others. In the daily realities of marriage and family life will be found all the opportunities to cultivate these virtues with the all powerful help of the grace they received in the Sacrament of Matrimony and other Sacraments Christ left for our sanctification, such as Sacramental Confession and the Holy Eucharist. As in the sanctification of ordinary work, the battle to acquire these virtues will have to last till the end of their lives. Let me give special mention to the queen of all virtues, charity. Especially crucial to the success of a marriage and the upbringing of children is that aspect of charity that St. Paul considered is the first way to live the love of God and of neighbour.
In I Corinthians 13:4-7, St. Paul gave the highest priority to patience in defining what love is. His very first line in the Hymn to Love, is “Love is patient.” Let us read how Pope Francis comments on this passage: Patience “does not simply have to do with ‘enduring all things’, because we find that idea expressed at the end of the seventh verse. it refers..to the quality of one who does not act on impulse and avoids giving offence. We find this quality in the God of the Covenant, who calls us to imitate him also within the life of the family. St. Paul’s texts using this word need to be read in the light of the Book of Wisdom which extols God’s restraint, as leaving open the possibility of repentance, yet insists on his power, as revealed in his acts of mercy. God’s ‘patience’, shown in his mercy towards sinners, is a sign of his real power…Being patient does not mean letting ourselves be constantly mistreated, tolerating physical aggression or allowing other people to use us. We encounter problems whenever we think that relationships or people ought to be perfect or when we put ourselves at the center and expect things to turn out our way. Then everything makes us impatient, everything makes us react aggressively. Unless we cultivate patience, we will always find excuses for responding angrily. We will end up incapable of living together, antisocial, unable to control our impulses, and our families will become battlegrounds….”
There are three phrases which Pope Francis advices marriage couples to use as frequently possible for them to cultivate the virtue of patience as a means of living charity, the queen of all virtues. These are “Please” or “May I”; “Thank you”; and “I am sorry.” I would suggest to newly married couples to actually look for every opportunity to utter these words in the daily circumstances of their lives. These words frequently on the lips of married couples will go a long way to kill one’s super ego, which is the greatest obstacle to love, peace and harmony within marriage and the family. The example of the parents using these phrases as frequently as circumstances allow will also be a great example to the children about how they can express their love to their parents and to one another. In fact, another very practical advice given to parents by both Pope Francis and St. Josemaria Escriva, Founder of Opus Dei, is never to quarrel in front of their children. If they must quarrel, let it be in the privacy of their bedroom and they should not go to bed before making up and saying “Sorry” to one another. For comments, my email address is [email protected]