By Firas Abboud
Last year, I wrote about how coming out is a personal process, a process one should go through without pressure from anyone and anything. Easier said than done, of course, but it’s how it should be. After all, at the end of the day, it’s only to yourself you should come out to.
After coming out, you can feel overwhelmed. That’s normal. You have opened yourself up to the world and you are about to let people come in. So, how will you live your everyday life and navigate your true self in this tough world?
I asked myself the same question years ago. No one gave me answers, which is why this is my attempt to be the person I wish I had when I came to terms with identifying as gay.
Get out there and find your tribe
Since I’m effeminate, it wasn’t that hard to find people with whom I share the same identity, which made it easy for me to create my own circle. I do realize I’m lucky in a way because it’s not the same for others. For others, it takes more time and effort.
Well, let me tell you two things. One, getting out there doesn’t necessarily mean announcing who you are to find your tribe. This brings me to my second point: Your tribe doesn’t have to be a lot of people. Whether a relative, friend, or even a stranger, having a person to open yourself up to makes a world of difference.
I’m reminded of what Aunt Josephine, from the Netflix series Anne with an E, said to Cole when he came out to her, “You have a life of such joy before you. Not without hardship. Not without bumps in the road. Be safe with those you trust. But when you do find people to trust, the bond will be that much greater.”
Educate yourself as much as possible
Since you found your own truth, it’s time to look for the many truths around you. Where to begin, you might ask? Well, there are so many options. If you ask me, I suggest queer history. It’s important to know what we’ve been through and who paved the way for us to live our lives freer than ever today.
From knowing the past, it’s time to focus on the present. Learn what’s going on. Know the gender identity spectrum. Engage with the community. Share experiences. Listen to their stories to expand your perspective. By doing so, you’ll realize that just because you don’t relate to one’s experience doesn’t mean the experience is invalid.
Remember when Derrick Barry told Acid Betty in Untucked that Trixie Mattel’s makeup isn’t for Acid Betty to get? When you don’t understand something, don’t dismiss or mock it. Try to understand. If you still don’t understand, then the least you can do is respect it. Since we’re on the subject, watching RuPaul’s Drag Race is also a good way to educate yourself. May I suggest watching Pose as well?
This month is a celebration of pride and a reminder that our pride is something we carry all year round. Now that you’ve found your voice, it’s time to use it.
Remember to pay it forward
Educating yourself will make you realize that queer people are experiencing the world differently, whether because of the family they are born into, their race, religion, or even geography.
Such a realization sparks a desire for change, for action. Here is where paying it forward comes in. Because of how the past has enabled us and how the present is helping us, it’s our responsibility to create bigger spaces for the future. While it may not have been easy for us to come out, it doesn’t mean it has to be the same for the next person. It will still be hard, yes, but we can make it easier for them.
Speak up. Be of service to the community. Volunteer for a cause you are passionate about. Register to vote. This month is a celebration of pride and a reminder that our pride is something we carry all year round. Now that you’ve found your voice, it’s time to use it. We need you now more than ever.
If you’re interested to volunteer, then you might want to consider The Red Whistle, an organization that promotes HIV awareness. Express your intent by sending an email to [email protected].