The persistence of our COVID ennui: Our new abnormal (X)

HEARD IT THROUGH THE GRIPE-VINE

Philip Cu Unjieng

Five months and running, and establishing a world record for continuous lockdown/quarantine duration – the Philippines is now running first in this dubious distinction. While countries all around us have found ways to control the coronavirus morbidity, and effect moves to slowly head back to some degree of economic normalcy; our to-be-expected recession is coupled with a continued reliance on quarantine as the only means for arresting the proliferation of COVID-positive cases. Don't look now, but it would seem that equating the 14-day gestation cycle of the virus to six protracted months will soon be a case study for Only in the Philippines.

For a number of us sitting this out in “perpetual isolation” (sounds to me like a prison sentence, and do they even know what perpetual means?), we’re left with gallows humor as the only way to still manage a wry smile or forced grimace. So I’d like to start an interactive section called “You know you’ve been in lockdown or perpetual isolation for too long when….” Message me your best answers to complete that sentence, and I’ll compile the ones I like best, and include them in my future columns.

Let me start it off with the following – you know you’ve been in lockdown or perpetual isolation for too long when:

1. When the fashionable people on your FB and IG feeds are reduced to formless and simplistic dasters for their OOTD posts! Come on. Back in February, these articles of clothing would have been strictly “pambahay.” And no way in your world as fashion mavens, editors, or influencers would these have made the cut as fashion statements, or deserve posting. I’ll understand if you’re selling them, but to see these shifts and over-clothes become your OOTD must be making the fashion doyennes and icons you look up to turn in their graves, or raise their eyebrows (to hit the ceiling), in sheer horror. I’d call this the Daster-Disaster phenom.

And since we’re talking fashion, Monchet Olives submits that it’s “when you have a particular mask for every outfit.” Yup, I can just see that, choosing what you’ll wear for the day, and then having to decide which face mask goes best to complete your ensemble – your corona moment. Just as Joseph Ayllon attests that it’s “when the mere thought of wearing jeans and shoes excites you.”

2. When your phone gallery before COVID was filled with dinner with friends, birthday “ni besh,” and travel pics 2019; and is now all GCash receipts, online transaction screenshots, and QR codes. Thanks to Kai Huang for this; and I’d like to add that they’re still filled with travel pics 2019 and from earlier. Amazing how so many have embraced nostalgia and wistful dreaming, posting pics of those long-past days when travel was such a regular thing in our lives. For so many friends, it’s become an obsession, this living in the past, and over 50% of their posts are travel photos, at times, dating all the way back to 2015. All together now, sing along, I’m “living” (vicariously) on a jet plane, don’t know when I’ll see that again...
3. When people who never baked their entire lives are now selling baked goodies. So true, Babyruth Chuansu. The ones you least expect, the ones you thought couldn’t even boil water without turning it into steam, are now the latest bakers on the block. And to add to this online-frenzy related to home-baked goodies, we even have long, passionate, detailed group chats about who offers the best ube-cheese pandesals, or creates the best sushi bake (sushi casserole in my books, as I still insist bake is a verb). It’s the ube cheese controversy! Our national economy hangs in the balance, but of more importance, is who makes the best pandesal.

And Grace Magno adds, When you’ve ordered everything to eat from all the Viber groups on your feed, and that includes five kinds of ube-cheese pandesal, and 10 kinds of tapa. See what I mean about the ubiquitous pandesal? They’ve infested our country, and before you know it, there’ll be even more versions of the pandesal than there are COVID-positive Filipinos. Thankfully, we’ve begun exporting them, just like how the Chinese exported the virus. Several Fil-American bakers already have their own UCP’s; so I’m just praying this becomes our version of a PAN-demic, before a pandesal-vaccine is developed. Our golden opportunity to rule the world! And why stop when I’m on a roll (dinner roll?). What is a prayer for bread in Pilipino? A pan-Dasal!

4. On the Fitness front, Amanda LuYm says it’s when you’ve managed to gain, and drop, the COVID-15. Yup, most of us certainly had that phase of "fattening our curves." And gimlet-eyed Marge Enriquez looks reality straight in the face to contribute "when your friends of a certain age proudly post their quarantine post-workout bodies, as in bare chests and bellies and skimpy shorts, revealing their saggy and wrinkled skin – please don’t compete with the 30-year olds." Ouch! Marge, that just burst the bubbles of so many of my fellow Seniors!

But I do know what Marge is referring to. It’s all well and good to get into a fitness routine and shed those pounds, tone those muscles, during this pandemic. But if you were doing all this fitness stuff even before, why the sudden urge to post all these photos now? Good that you’re still in the pink of health, but bodies that aren’t defying gravity don’t really cut the cake. Take care of yourself, but do it for yourself.

5. “When you seriously consider taking Korean lessons online so you can better appreciate and follow their telenovelas on Netflix” is from Marissa Araneta. And while I’m personally not a fan, I’m not unaware of just how this has become THE Tita-craze of the pandemic. Second only to Fear-Porn, as Marge rightly observes; all these shows that depict biological nightmares, the impending ecological disasters, or the junk we put in our bodies. And as Chris Clemente reminds us, it all goes back to food – to sustain us during these endless hours of watching, we’ve become experts in recipe hacks, from burger steak, to imitation KFC chicken and puto.

Ennui (on-we) is the word of French origin defined as the mental state of listlessness or dissatisfaction arising from a lack of occupation or excitement. It perfectly describes what so many of us are undergoing as the months of this year slip by. It’s something we consciously have to fight, believing there is a tomorrow to look forward to. Hopefully, laughter is one way to keep our spirits up.