The public servant as listener
Published Oct 7, 2018 12:05 am
THE VIEW FROM RIZAL
By DR. JUN YNARES
Dr. Jun Ynares
“What skills must I possess in order to be a good politician?”
A few weeks ago, I mentioned in our column that several young people – including those of the so-called millennial generation – have been coming to me lately to ask for advice. They said they are exploring the possibility of running for public office in next year’s election and would like to benefit from the wisdom that experience has given me.
I have been asked questions like, “how do I win the elections?” Or, “what’s the best way to get people to vote for me?”
Recently, I was asked one of the better questions. This was the query: “What skills must I have to be a good politician?”
Before I gave my input, I asked the young would-be politician to tell me how he would answer that question. He enumerated several skills like “public speaking”, “being a people-person”, “ability to think on your feet”.
I said that those are good skills to have. Such skills would make for great connection with people, especially with those whose votes a politician may want to court. To that set of skills, I would add that timeless and valuable skill called “affirmative listening” – not just listening, but “affirmative listening”.
I first heard that term in a conversation with a fellow Antipoleño whose passion is leadership coaching. According to him, there are three ways to listen to another person: critically, appreciatively and affirmatively.
Critical listening is the usual way we listen to others. As we listen, we evaluate what the other person is saying. As we do so, we prepare an answer, an argument or a rebuttal.
Appreciative listening is what we do when we lend our ears just to enjoy what the other person is sharing – a view, a story, an experience.
Affirmative listening is a special way of interacting with another person. It means paying full attention and conveying to the other person that what he or she has to say matters and is important to you. The attention you give to the other person as you listen affirms.
The delicate art of affirmative listening requires three things of the listener: a generous heart, a willingness to lend an ear, and the ability to look at the other person in the eye.
That’s why it is not easy. Affirmative listening makes demands on one’s time and effort. It compels one to be genuinely interested in what the other has to say and to reflect that interest in one’s face.
This can be draining. Sometimes, listening can sap one’s strength. Listening is not a passive task; it is an active role which uses up our physical, mental and emotional energies.
Affirmative listening also requires courage – much courage.
Oftentimes, we can be overcome by fear – fear that the person who wants to speak to us might ask something from us that we are not able, or are not willing, to give. This is not true. Experience proves that, by listening affirmatively, one earns the right to say “no” to something that one is unable to give. Give the other person importance and one may say “no” without endangering the goodwill and the relationship.
In life, I realized that prayer is also affirmative listening – on the part of both God and the praying person.
At prayer, we open our ears and hearts to receive what God wants to say. As we do so, we show him the importance God deserves. We affirm who He is in our lives and in the Universe.
Perhaps, there is no other being who represents the epitome of the Affirmative Listener than God, Our Father. He has all the time for us. All His time is for us. He listens and envelops us with a sense of underserved importance.
He listens, despite the unreasonable demands and pleas He hears from us. He also know that He can say “no” or “yes, but not now”.
May your Sunday be filled with quiet moments during which you can listen to yourself, to the people you love and to God who affirms us with His listening presence.
A blessed Sunday, everyone.
*For feedback, please email it to [email protected] or send it to #4 Horse Shoe Drive, Beverly Hills Subdivision, Bgy. Beverly Hills, Antipolo City, Rizal.
Dr. Jun Ynares
“What skills must I possess in order to be a good politician?”
A few weeks ago, I mentioned in our column that several young people – including those of the so-called millennial generation – have been coming to me lately to ask for advice. They said they are exploring the possibility of running for public office in next year’s election and would like to benefit from the wisdom that experience has given me.
I have been asked questions like, “how do I win the elections?” Or, “what’s the best way to get people to vote for me?”
Recently, I was asked one of the better questions. This was the query: “What skills must I have to be a good politician?”
Before I gave my input, I asked the young would-be politician to tell me how he would answer that question. He enumerated several skills like “public speaking”, “being a people-person”, “ability to think on your feet”.
I said that those are good skills to have. Such skills would make for great connection with people, especially with those whose votes a politician may want to court. To that set of skills, I would add that timeless and valuable skill called “affirmative listening” – not just listening, but “affirmative listening”.
I first heard that term in a conversation with a fellow Antipoleño whose passion is leadership coaching. According to him, there are three ways to listen to another person: critically, appreciatively and affirmatively.
Critical listening is the usual way we listen to others. As we listen, we evaluate what the other person is saying. As we do so, we prepare an answer, an argument or a rebuttal.
Appreciative listening is what we do when we lend our ears just to enjoy what the other person is sharing – a view, a story, an experience.
Affirmative listening is a special way of interacting with another person. It means paying full attention and conveying to the other person that what he or she has to say matters and is important to you. The attention you give to the other person as you listen affirms.
The delicate art of affirmative listening requires three things of the listener: a generous heart, a willingness to lend an ear, and the ability to look at the other person in the eye.
That’s why it is not easy. Affirmative listening makes demands on one’s time and effort. It compels one to be genuinely interested in what the other has to say and to reflect that interest in one’s face.
This can be draining. Sometimes, listening can sap one’s strength. Listening is not a passive task; it is an active role which uses up our physical, mental and emotional energies.
Affirmative listening also requires courage – much courage.
Oftentimes, we can be overcome by fear – fear that the person who wants to speak to us might ask something from us that we are not able, or are not willing, to give. This is not true. Experience proves that, by listening affirmatively, one earns the right to say “no” to something that one is unable to give. Give the other person importance and one may say “no” without endangering the goodwill and the relationship.
In life, I realized that prayer is also affirmative listening – on the part of both God and the praying person.
At prayer, we open our ears and hearts to receive what God wants to say. As we do so, we show him the importance God deserves. We affirm who He is in our lives and in the Universe.
Perhaps, there is no other being who represents the epitome of the Affirmative Listener than God, Our Father. He has all the time for us. All His time is for us. He listens and envelops us with a sense of underserved importance.
He listens, despite the unreasonable demands and pleas He hears from us. He also know that He can say “no” or “yes, but not now”.
May your Sunday be filled with quiet moments during which you can listen to yourself, to the people you love and to God who affirms us with His listening presence.
A blessed Sunday, everyone.
*For feedback, please email it to [email protected] or send it to #4 Horse Shoe Drive, Beverly Hills Subdivision, Bgy. Beverly Hills, Antipolo City, Rizal.