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Manila Bulletin devider devider The pursuit of happiness in marriage

The pursuit of happiness in marriage

Published Jun 2, 2018 12:05 am
By Dennis and Thammie sy 3 What will I do if I’m no longer happy in this marriage? Dennis: This is a common thing we hear couples say these days. We enter into marriage with high hopes—And then it happens. It dawns on us that the person we married is not who we expected them to be. We live in a world that tries to pursue happiness as the main goal. Yet we find that more and more people feel unhappy. It seems that unhappy people are unhappy whether they are married or not. Researcher and best-selling author Tom Rath, in his book Fully Charged, wrote that going overboard with our pursuit of happiness can be detrimental to our well being. He suggests that people should be in pursuit of meaning. The question begs to be asked: Why is happiness the ultimate goal of a lot of marriages and unhappiness one of the most cited reasons for divorce? Many people who get into adulterous affairs do so not because of uncontrolled passion. Rather, they think their new relationship would make them happier. In the name of happiness, they end up leaving their families an endless trail of destruction. Thammie: If we enter marriage with the idea that once we say “I do,” we will live happily ever after, we might be setting ourselves up for disappointment. Marriage is not a magic key that unlocks the door to some fantasy land with well-paved roads. If I may say so, we might find that marriage is more like having to tread through a rough road full of peaks and valleys. Happiness in marriage is not a product of two people saying their vows and signing a contract. It is a process of everyday dying to self, living out our vows, and fulfilling a covenant. This process requires hard work. It takes endurance. Success in marriage is not found in how our spouses can make us feel happy. Marriages succeed when two flawed individuals discover the blueprint of marriage, decide to honor the sanctity of marriage, and determine to fight for the relationship in marriage. Dennis and Thammie: What can one do if he/she is no longer happy in marriage? Realize that there is hope. Marriages that have a rough start can still turn out well if spouses choose to stay in it and do the necessary work that marriage requires. Remember that marriage is a marathon. You may falter and fall quite a number of times, but if you decide you are in it for the long haul, you determine to get back up and endure the process. Resolve that your marriage is worth fighting for. People have happy marriages not because they get along so well, but because they willingly work through the many ways that they don’t. They decide that their spouse and their marriage is worth the work. About the author: Dennis is a the senior pastor of Victory Greenhills and is a best-selling author of three books. Thammie is a homeschooling mom and a certified childbirth educator and labor coach. They have been married for thirteen years and have four kids.
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