PAGBABAGO
I added another three years to my nine decades a few days ago. As I noted on Facebook, it was an awakening – a sudden realization that I had outlived many of my contemporaries.
Once upon a time when I was in my late teens and early 20s, I found myself the youngest among peers. That was until I reached 70, the age I retired, when many of my friends and colleagues started passing on.
From then on, I had become the oldest member among our group of friends, and fellow trustees of alumni groups and similar organizations.
When I was younger, I thought of myself as indefatigable, never imagining that one day I would lose hardiness or that I had to go through the aging process that I am experiencing now.
Of course I never imagined myself having to depend on a caregiver and other people for assistance. This, even though we had two grandmothers living with us during my childhood years. Bai Sebya died at 101 and Bai Ereng at 75.
Fortunately, I have been able to retain memory of most anything until I reached 89 when I started experiencing memory lapses. The latter consisted of mundane or commonplace objects such as names of fruits, vegetables, and dates or time.
No problem with technical terms and objects or tacit knowledge. But as my memory of the distant past such as the Japanese occupation when I was 10 years old was quite lucid, although those of the recent past were not quite as clear.
Then there is the problem of gradual atrophy of body and legs. It started at age 80 and I had to go through visits with orthopedic specialists – with injections and various ways of managing pain such as regular visits for physical therapy and reflexology. But all these I had to discontinue during the three years of Covid-19.
I also began noticing gradual changes in my physique. At age 70, I started to gain weight and thus, the need for some changes in my wardrobe.
But 15 years later, I started to lose much of the flabbiness, and thus, the need for another adjustment.
I took my last plane ride at age 89. Since then, I could only travel to places within the 50-kilometer radius.
I constantly had to fight the sense of powerlessness brought about by our having to cancel planned trips in places that are difficult to navigate.
Now I realize why my late husband Andrew, always wanted his passport renewed even at the stage when he was already physically unable to travel.
For an active person like myself who had been to many parts of the country as well as abroad, being confined at home can be quite disconcerting.
Today, I hesitate to attend special gatherings especially when these are held in places not conducive for seniors.
No more sports like swimming or even movies. Fortunately, there is Netflix where I spend more time than I should.
The recent dinner with relatives at a place where the elevator had broken down so that we had to climb up from basement to the second floor was a test of sturdiness of this 93-year old. I didn’t want to be carried and therefore mustered enough courage to climb up, propped by a cane and a niece.
And as I noted in my FB post, it was a test of strength and powerlessness, of ups and downs and an apt description of my journey in life. I also noted that I often pinch myself when I wake up in the morning to see if I am still here.
Dagupan Sunday Punch publisher Ermin Garcia wrote: “Keep pinching yourself, as you are truly blessed.” I truly think I am, and continue to praise the Lord for being able to reach out to others in ways within the limits of age and capability.