Part 4
Assuming that practicing Catholics who want to remain faithful to their religion are the only ones who have continued reading this article, let me end this series by pointing out that when they received the Sacrament of Matrimony, Catholic couples were conscious that they were responding to a calling directly from God, to a vocation. In an article entitled Something Great That Is Love: The Vocation to Marriage, which is accessible on the internet, St. Josemaria Escriva, Founder of Opus Dei, stated almost a century ago that marriage was a vocation. His statement used to disconcert people and even prompted some to laugh. It was like speaking about a wingless bird or a square wheel. In the mentality of that era (the late 1920s and early 30s), and even at times today, “to have a vocation” meant to leave behind what is typical in life to be able to serve God and the Church. But for most ordinary citizens, what is expected is to have a family, a home, a job, purchases, bills, washing machines, Netflix, Korean telenovelas, leftovers in the fridge, babies crying, children fighting, etc.
This list, as numerous and unforeseeable as life itself, not only fits in the “square wheel” of the vocation to marriage but finds its best expression there. The view that marriage is a vocation, a direct calling to God to the majority of human beings, stems directly from the conviction that God blesses the normality of family life and wants to “dwell” there. God, the Holy One, wants to live amid the most ordinary lives of families. Lives called to become, through the mutual love and affection among the members of the family, praise to Him: to become a “heaven,” despite all the unavoidable defects of this provisional site that is our earthly life. Even in non-Christian societies, it is common for married couples to hear that heaven on earth is a happy family, a “bright and cheerful home”, to express St. Josemaria.
No marriage, however, is a bed of roses. Because human beings are imperfect, there will always be misunderstandings, communication failures, worries about children, financial difficulties, etc. However, St. Josemaria wrote, “We would have a poor idea of marriage and of human affection if we were to think that love and joy come to an end when faced with such difficulties.” A few weeks of living under the same roof are enough to realize that no one arrives perfect for the wedding day. Married life will have to be a path of constant conversion for both spouses, working together as a team. As long as husband and wife continue giving one another a new opportunity each day, their hearts will grow more each day, even though some of their limitations will never disappear and may even become crystallized. For Catholic couples, the sacramental grace they received from the Sacrament of Matrimony and all the superabundant spiritual help from the other Sacraments Christ left to His Church are more than enough to enable them to overcome all the human difficulties of keeping their marriage intact and indissoluble. Those who advocate absolute divorce often refer to “irreconcilable differences” between husband and wife. In human relations, there are no irreconcilable differences if one or both of the parties can make an effort to overcome his or her super-sized ego, only thinking of one’s point of view and unable to love—which is to seek the good of the one loved without expecting anything in return. Husband and wife need to speak, even when this involves broaching complex topics, and not entrench themselves little by little behind a high wall. Those in confrontational situations must make an effort to rebuild, once and again, the sentiments that make love possible. St. Josemaria used to say that “quarrels, so long as they do not happen too often, are also a proof of love, and they are almost a need.” Water needs to flow freely since if it becomes stagnant, it becomes covered with algae.
One effective way couples can overcome irreconcilable differences is to focus on the welfare and happiness of their children. As St.Josemaria advised: “It is very important to find time to spend with their children, to talk with them. They are the most important thing—more important than business or work or rest. In their conversations parents should make an effort to listen, to pay attention, to understand, to recognize the fact that their children are sometimes partly right—or even completely right—in some of their rebellious attitudes. The mutual concern and shared responsibility for the upbringing of children can enable married couples to give less and less importance to their differences in character or temperament, their disagreements on specific issues, which oftentimes are about trifles, and the inevitable faults committed by one or the other.
As final considerations, those Catholics who want to remain faithful to the teachings of their Holy Mother the Church will benefit from constantly rereading the section on “The Fidelity of Conjugal Love”: By its very nature conjugal love requires inviolable fidelity of the spouses. This is the consequence of the gift of themselves which they make to each other. Love seeks to be definitive; it cannot be an arrangement ‘until further notice.’ The intimate union of marriage, as a mutual giving of two persons and the good of the children, demand total fidelity from the spouses and require an unbreakable union between them
“The deepest reason is found in the fidelity of God to his covenant, in that of Christ. Through the sacrament of Matrimony the spouses are enabled to represent the fidelity and witness to it. Through the sacrament, the indissolubility of marriage receives a new and deeper meaning.
“It can seem difficult, even impossible, to bind oneself for life to another human being. This makes it all more important to proclaim the Good News that God loves us with a definitive and irrevocable love, that married couples share in this love, that it supports and sustains them, and that by their own faithfulness they can be witnesses to God’s faithful love. Spouses who with God’s grace give this witness, often very difficult conditions, deserve the gratitude and support of the ecclesial community.”
I have gone to great extent in quoting from the Catechism of the Catholic Church the relevant passages about the doctrine on the indissolubility of marriage because it is highly possible that a good number of the Catholics in the House of Representatives might not have had the opportunity to read the entire Catechism of the Church to which they belong. Whatever the outcome of House Bill No. 9349, I have done my little share of helping “to preach the Gospel” as St. Paul the Apostle cried out to be the obligation of every baptized Christian when he exclaimed “Woe unto me if I do not preach the Gospel.” For comments, my email address is [email protected]