Right before moving to Tokyo, I had the absolute pleasure of visiting the diplomat's official residence and sitting down with US Ambassador MaryKay Loss Carlson for a casual and candid chat. By now, most people know the ambassador for the work she’s been doing for PH-US relations. This time, we talked about a few other things. Touching on both her professional and personal life, the ambassador openly answered some intimate questions, allowing a chance to get to know her better. From how she became a diplomat to the life lessons she’s gathered along the way, here are three key takeaways from our conversation.

Being open to life’s detours

Ambassador Carlson’s journey into diplomacy wasn’t straightforward. “I went to a small liberal arts college in Memphis, Tennessee, and I was interested in history and foreign languages. I thought, well, maybe I'll be a lawyer,” she said. An unexpected turn in university brought her to the career that changed her life. “Back in the day, you actually picked a lottery number written on a piece of paper. There was no random selection for how you got to choose your courses. And my number was so high—such a bad number that by the time I went to choose my classes, everything I wanted to take was gone.” She ended up with classes like “Politics of Latin America” and “Lesser Known Plays of Shakespeare.” “Now, ‘Lesser Known Plays of Shakespeare’ did not change my life. But that ‘Politics of Latin America’ course did because I met Dr. David H. Likes.” Dr. Likes who became her mentor, introduced her to the whole field of foreign affairs and foreign policy. “He told me about Foreign Service and introduced me to just a world that I never would have known had I not had that bad lottery number in my freshman year in college.” Once she joined the foreign service, she met her husband, who’s also an American diplomat, Aubrey Carlson. This time, her flexibility proved to be rewarding once more.

Starting out in the mid-1980s, they were in different areas of focus. Hers was on Latin America and Africa, and when they met, he had already lined up his assignment to go out to Beijing. “We started dating and he said, ‘How about China?’ and I thought, ‘Wow—I didn't even see Asia in my peripheral vision.” Knowing Spanish, Swahili, and Portuguese, she thought she would be moving between Latin America and Africa. “But then I thought, maybe this guy's worth it.”

They proceeded to study Mandarin through a two-year language program in preparation for the posting. “We got married after the first year and it’s been great ever since,” she smiled. “I don't know that I ever would have ended up in Asia, had I not met Aubrey and gotten married. So again, sometimes you don't know what you should want. I thought I wanted Africa and Latin America, which I’m also sure would have been great. But my life has definitely taken different turns after meeting Aubrey.”

Having your own identity

Balancing a demanding career with personal life is no easy feat, yet Ambassador Carlson does it with grace. Despite her high-profile role, she emphasized the importance of maintaining her own identity beyond being a diplomat. “So, 38 years—I’ve been a diplomat longer than I’ve not been a diplomat by quite a few years. But I don't really think of myself first and foremost as a diplomat, I just think of myself as a person,” she said. “I’m someone who enjoys getting to know different places, different people, I think of myself as a mom.”

Being a diplomat is a career, and once she retires, she says she won’t define herself by the job she did. “I love it and I am still having so much fun but I'm just a person. I am a daughter and a mom, and a friend. And also a person who’s just thrilled to be in the Philippines.”

Learning to hit the ground running

In diplomacy, building a strong network is vital, and Ambassador Carlson highlighted this during our chat. She discussed the challenges of making and nurturing these connections, especially during the pandemic. She arrived in the Philippines in the middle of 2022, following the presidential election. “I feel so fortunate to be in the Philippines especially at this time,” she shared. “When I got here everybody was still wearing masks but luckily the face shields were gone.” Soon thereafter, mandatory masking was lifted, and the level of activity changed.

“Secretary Blinken came here within weeks of my arrival, so you get here and like, ‘Wow, the big boss is coming.’ And then the bigger-bigger boss came—Vice President Kamala Harris, and then we've had the Secretary of Defense and so many others. I kind of feel like it was like a slingshot, all that pent-up demand during the pandemic for engagement.”

From not a lot of activity to a tremendous amount, she adds that it has been helpful in making headway in the relationship between the Philippines and the US. From people-to-people relations to this very consequential time in terms of what is happening in the Indo-Pacific. “Working together to ensure that we have a region and a globe that is free and open and prosperous, giving our citizenry the opportunity to be partners in prosperity—that's a very meaningful thing as well that is happening during my tenure.”