Billy Bagtas takes his audience on a deeply personal and powerful journey through the themes of suffering, redemption, and familial ties in his latest exhibit “Nightmare Obsession” at West Gallery.  His works are not only a reflection of his own struggles but also an invitation for viewers to confront their own past traumas and search for healing.

“What gave me the courage to tell my personal experiences through this exhibit was my own resolve – I had to be brave in my works, especially in accepting life. I remember the time when my mother was still alive – she fought until the very end. I felt the same strength within me that I needed to tell my story. I experienced sexual trauma and had a love-hate relationship with my father. It was broken. But I believe in God – that there’s a purpose for everything that had happened. This show is proof of that because if nothing happened, there would be no story to tell.”

The exhibit explores haunting themes through the lens of what Bagtas calls “Nightmare Obsession,” a concept he explains as being “haunted by past traumatic events.”

 “I used light backgrounds or skies for the subjects in the paintings, representing the guidance of heaven watching over us – watching over me,” he shares. “The black subjects represent the flesh here on Earth, which is capable of committing sins or experiencing death or suffering.” This powerful interplay between light and dark mirrors the complex nature of human experience: a blend of hope and despair, salvation and damnation.

Through his work, Bagtas hopes to offer a sense of connection and comfort viewers who may relate to his journey. As he navigates his own healing, “Nightmare Obsession” reflects his ongoing journey toward self-discovery. While he now feels at peace through his faith, he admits that his past experiences still resonate within him.

“Actually, I’m okay now because I know I have a relationship with God. But there are times when you can’t help but reflect, and the pain of what I experienced still lingers. But I’ve turned these past experiences into motivation – not only in my art but also in my life,” shares Bagtas.

The exhibit also marks a departure from his earlier works, which focused on overcoming life’s battles and placing faith in God. “Nightmare Obsession,” on the other hand, confronts the lingering wounds of the past.

“This exhibit is about the wounds of the past – it’s still haunting me,” he says. “This is different from my past shows. My earlier works were about battling through life and learning to have faith in God. This exhibit focuses on the wounds of the past – it’s still haunting me. Sometimes I just cry and ask, ‘Why? Why did things happen to me when I didn’t want them to?’ There were even times I don’t what to live because I feel so weak inside.”

Bagtas also hopes to spark conversations about mental health, familial struggles and societal challenges through his art. He sees his practice as a way to help others express their emotions, whether through music, writing, or visual art. 

Creating “Nightmare Obsession” was not without its challenges. Bagtas admitted that the hardest part was the fear of revealing his deepest truths. “The most challenging part was the fear of telling my story, but it had to be done. I had to be honest with myself for the sake of others who have gone through the same things I did,” he says. Through the process, he learned the importance of acceptance and finding the courage to move forward.

Bagtas believes that the exhibit has allowed him to grow not just as an artist but also as a person. “This helped me grow not just as an artist but also as a son, brother, and friend. I don’t want my loved ones to experience what I went through. I know I’m not perfect, but I believe that through creating art, I’ve found something that helps me immensely,” he says. For him, Nightmare Obsession is not just a milestone but a step toward healing and self-discovery.

Among the works in the exhibit, Bagtas highlights two personal favorites: the sculpture False Hope and the painting AAA. The sculpture represents a false god or salvation, reflecting his struggles with past mistakes. Meanwhile, AAA is a self-portrait inspired by a misunderstood prayer he learned from a faith healer. “It’s about the prayer ‘Abeste, Abete, Abetem,’ which I heard from a local healer who got it wrong and misled me. It’s a self-portrait representing my past prayer mistakes,” he explains. 

Bagtas’ exhibit is a testament of his courage to confront his demons, his journey toward healing, and his hope that his work will spark meaningful conversations.

“Nightmare Obsession” runs until Feb. 15 at West Gallery, 48 West Gallery, Quezon City.