IT'S THE SMALL THINGS
We oftentimes hear the words, and celebrate “the end of an era,” yet we somehow never give much attention to the start of one. I am a firm believer that every ending is the start of a new beginning. Whether that is a happy, sad, unexpected or planned beginning or ending, there is always a reason. Known or unknown at the time is irrelevant, but what is certain is that a new leaf is turned, and a new chapter, about to begin.
I am at the beginning of my mom era. Just like the start of any journey or big changes in life, when you can, you plan for it as best as possible. But just like a lot of things, not everything goes as expected. A thousand tears, heartaches, challenges, you name it later, you learn to go with the flow and roll with the punches. You soon realize that life is not what it used to be, and then comes the acceptance that it will never be what it was before. And that is okay. The sooner you learn to embrace change, the faster you will grow and evolve as a person.
Though I sometimes admittedly miss the leisure of owning my time, and a more carefree life where making impulsive decisions and spontaneous plans was not costly; the kind of life where my heart was not out of my body waiting for me as I attempt to continue living my balanced everyday, and there was zero guilt in making plans to go out, I would happily choose to sacrifice my late nights out, my aimless mall going and scavenging for plans to not be stuck at home to now be at home with my little one. I surely long for the next time I can go on a trip, and I know the days are gone where I can plan a weekend trip the Monday before because my responsibilities have now multiplied infinitely, and for the rest of my life there is someone dependent on me, but really, I have never felt more alive, more grateful and more satisfied. My life just gained so much more meaning, and it is amazing how much purpose the smallest member of our household can give, and how much of my heart he has managed to take up. Truly, he came into my life in God’s most perfect time – at a time when I did not realize I needed him most. He completed the missing part of me I did not even know was absent until he was born.
And like many other things in life, time flies. It passes us by, and before I know it, my baby will be a toddler, a teenager, an adult. One day, I will have my life as I knew it – but an evolved, transformed and better version – back, only, I will have so much more substance because of everything my son will teach me. Someday, it will all just be distant memories I will be grasping to hold on to. So for now, I choose to slow down. And savor it all. To take it all in, and to make those memories as best I know, and as I can.