By JELLYN GUECO
It was a typical Friday afternoon for many, but for 3,922 Filipinos, April 14, 2023, was a date that would change their lives forever. On this day, the Philippine Supreme Court released the list of successful examinees for the 2022 Bar Examinations.
At number 264 on that list was the name ANTONIO, Crystaleen Gutierrez. Unlike most bar hopefuls who were probably glued to their screens, anxiously waiting to see whether they made the list, 40-year-old Crystaleen was queuing inside the H&M fitting room. She avoided the media announcements on purpose because she felt that the likelihood of her passing the exam was not too high.
When her friend Lester called her to say she passed the exam, she was stunned. She exited the fitting room and, right in the middle of the mall, she burst into tears.
Passing the bar exam in your 40s may not seem like a big deal anymore, with so many lawyers now pursuing their Juris Doctor degree in their later years. There was even a senior citizen who passed the bar at 62 years old in December 2023.
For Crystaleen, however, it was a big deal. In 2013, exactly 10 years before passing the bar, her doctor told her she only had six months to live.
Too young to die
At age 30, Crystaleen was diagnosed with an irreversible and progressive disease called chronic kidney disease (CKD). According to her doctors, her kidneys were failing and her days were numbered.
At that time, a single parent to a 10-year-old son, she was on her third year working as a temporary public school teacher. All her plans and dreams came to a halt. She could feel her body giving up on her.
“It was too easy to lose hope,” recounts Crystaleen. “I was not myself anymore. I felt that I was losing everything—my health, my career, my entire life. The financial burden of the treatment added to my anxiety. I remember thinking it was so unfair. I was too young to die.”
After not being regularized at her teaching job, Crystaleen had to find other sources of funds, not only for her treatment but for her day-to-day life. But securing a stable job while her health was deteriorating posed a challenge. Apparently, a bachelor’s degree in Economics and a Master of Management from the University of the Philippines means nothing when you have chronic kidney disease. The hard truth is that employers are not too keen on hiring people who, at any moment, can suddenly become too sick to work.
Burden of proof
Freelance work, fundraising from relatives and friends, lining up in government offices and hospitals, and even doing odd jobs became Crystaleen’s means of survival.
Fortunately, the treatment improved her overall condition, allowing her to postpone the need for an immediate kidney transplant. She knew she was still lucky that many were willing to support her when she was at her lowest.
But she also experienced being judged by people who did not fully grasp her situation. Some people questioned how she was still alive even without a transplant and a few were doubting the use of their donated money, as if she was fabricating the disease that had turned her skin ash gray.
Having CKD, a lifelong disease, is not cheap. The need for medication does not stop even after transplant and the health risks associated with having a weak immune system are too high. Even with government support, this disease will drain your finances and energy.
In 2015, Crystaleen decided to take a different approach.
“For two years, I was too deep in my own pity party. I couldn’t see any way out,” she says. “It was difficult enough to find a secure job with CKD, but would I be able to find work after getting a transplant?”
Crystaleen took on more freelance work, signed up for job orders, and even put up a photo booth business, which helped in her daily needs. But she knew that working these gigs would not be enough and that begging or borrowing money every time she was rushed to the ER was not sustainable. She needed to look into the future and not just survive one day at a time.
“I realized that if I wanted to fight for my life, I needed to be capable of building a good one, even if I had to start from scratch,” says Crystaleen. “I needed a stable job that would pay me well and sustain my medical needs. That’s when I decided to go to law school.”
Barely legal
Crystaleen entered law school in 2015. Initially, she was very optimistic, with loved ones promising to support her law school aspirations. But in her second year, she was told that her kidneys were failing. She needed dialysis. That did not deter her.
She would go to class with fresh puncture wounds from her dialysis sessions and sometimes, she would be too groggy from all the medication to understand what was going on.
In 2018, in her third year of law school, she had to pause her studies. It was time for her kidney transplant. Going into the operating room, her only prayer was to get out of it alive to see her son again.
After her successful transplant, it took her another three years to complete her Juris Doctor degree and take the bar exams.
Law of attraction
In her new lease on life, Crystaleen feels excited and scared at the same time. Starting over, with a law degree and a borrowed kidney, is never easy. She still has to deal with the daily grind.
For instance, a standard flu that typically goes away after four to seven days turned into a costly hospital stay for Crystaleen, causing her to miss last year’s Christmas celebrations. To this day, she is still taking medications daily. She makes an effort to adopt a positive mindset.
Crystaleen recently celebrated her 41st birthday, just a couple of weeks before Easter Sunday. For her, every birthday is like being reborn, a resurrection of sorts. It’s like an addendum to an already signed contract.
“I try not to be bothered by the small stuff anymore,” she said. “After going through hell and back, I try to focus on what’s important. I feel I’m more grateful now. Just to be able to drink fluids without having to worry about suffering from pulmonary edema and swollen feet the next day is a blessing for me.”
When asked what she loves the most about being a lawyer, she said that, aside from being able to finance her medical needs, it’s the ability to help people who are desperate, who are on the verge of giving up.
“Being able to help those who are going through their own battles is a rewarding experience. I was once in their situation,” says Crsytaleen. “Now, the opportunity to make a difference in someone else’s life gives me a renewed purpose.”