How to avoid a broken engagement

By JELLYN GUECO

It was the dream proposal—a romantic dinner set up on a secluded tropical island, a children's chorale singing George Canseco, and a classy 1.5-carat natural diamond ring that's not too loud, yet not too understated. Both of you basked in the congratulatory messages you received from that smoothly edited Instagram reel to rival a K-drama finale. 

Unless you're planning to elope, however, this is just the start of the long and winding journey to the wedding aisle. The average engagement lasts for just over a year, 15 months to be exact. And according to a study, 20 percent of engagements don't make it to the wedding day, meaning one in five couples break up before they even
say "I do." 

If you're still feeling the high of getting engaged, this statistic might shock you. You might be wondering what caused these couples to call it quits. Of course, there are no definite answers because every story is different. Certain red flags like infidelity, dishonesty, and abuse can rightfully lead to a broken engagement.

There are also typical pitfalls however that can be sidestepped or resolved before they can result in a breakup.

Pitfall 1: Wedding planning stress

Planning your big day can initially seem exciting and fun, with Pinterest boards, Instagram hashtags, and wedding expos to attend.

This process however can be super stressful especially if you and your partner have different opinions on how the wedding should go. A small argument about what type of dessert to serve can easily escalate into a full-blown shouting match if left unresolved. 

Many couples also start to learn more about each other's personality during this time such as how they handle stress, communicate, and handle money. This can sometimes lead to disagreements that may strain the relationship if not addressed properly.

To avoid this pitfall, learn how to compromise. Valuing each other's opinions can greatly help in avoiding potential conflicts. It's important to sit down and discuss the wedding plans together before involving other people.

After agreeing on a budget and the overall vision for the wedding, don't get easily swayed by outside influences. No, you don't need that extra expensive floral setup or that photography add-on that is not within your budget. Remember, you are marrying your partner, not the wed-
ding planner.

Pitfall 2: Financial differences

Many people believe that love is more important than money, that's why it's so ironic that money is actually one of the major causes why couples break up. When it comes to engaged couples, conflicts are bound to come up if financial matters are not discussed before the proposal.

It's important to have an open and honest conversation with your partner about all things related to money, big or small. Talk about topics like your individual income, spending habits, current debts, and future financial plans. Who pays for the wedding? Will there be a prenup? Will you be able to afford a new house? Do you have existing financial obligations to your parents and other family members?

These topics may seem uncomfortable to talk about, but it's crucial to clear up these things before signing that marriage contract. Effectively communicating about financial matters can help prevent misunderstandings even after the wedding. 

Pitfall 3: Family interference

During the dating stage, you might have already interacted with your partner's family. Perhaps you're already friends with their siblings or have had a few dinners with your parents. But once you're engaged, your relationship with each other's family will take on a different level.

During the engagement period, it's pretty common for your family members to suddenly develop strong opinions about everything—rrom what you're going to wear at the wedding to the name of your future second child. This can be overwhelming and may cause arguments, not only with your partner but with the entire family.

Naturally, nobody wants to have a strained family relationship before getting married. So if you find yourself in a situation where your families start getting too meddlesome, don't react with anger or complain to your partner immediately. Instead, stay respectful and listen to their concerns. Have an open mind and recognize whether they're trying to be helpful or already controlling.

For example, if your mother-in-law is requesting a fish dish instead of having an all-pork and chicken menu at the wedding reception, maybe that's a reasonable request that you can accommodate. But if she's insisting on inviting 50 additional guests that's going to break your budget, then it's time to kindly discuss and com-
promise with your partner. At the same time, if your partner talks to you about concerns from your side of the family, try to understand instead of instantly going on the defensive.

Remember, compromising doesn't mean giving in to unreasonable demands from your family. It means finding a solution that works for everyone involved. Learning how to navigate these seemingly trivial issues early on can prepare you for the more serious ones that will surely arise in the future.