How to live in the face of fear

Cecile Guidote-Alvarez beat both cancer and Covid-19. Now she has some advice for you

As the pandemic continues to take a toll on national economies, the normal touchstones of everyday life have vanished without a warning. Loss and restriction were routine. Feelings of grief and helplessness are on the rise, causing terrifying thoughts about the future. 

For Cecile Guidote-Alvarez, an award-winning theater artist and culture advocate, this is familiar terrain. In 1992, Cecile learned she had breast cancer. She was thrust onto a path governed by uncertainty. 

In late March, she and her husband Heherson were found positive for Covid-19. But unlike Heherson, Cecile got through the harrowing days. She got discharged from the hospital days before her husband passed away. 

“We planned to marry again on our 50th wedding anniversary before we were hospitalized. Now, it will never come to pass,” she says. “Thank God I recovered, but I am still in total shock with unbearable pain in losing Sonny, my beloved husband and father of Hexilon and Herxilia.” 

Since then, Cecile has been reassessing her life. “Realizing the depth of distress and depression of my orphaned children, and comforted by the flow of recognition of Sonny’s outstanding service, I took stock of my bereavement and prayed daily for strength and stamina,” she says. In an interview with Manila Bulletin Lifestyle, Cecile shares what it is to be human in dark times and gives some tips on how people can protect their mental health during the pandemic.

As a two-time survivor, how are you coping with this new reality? 

Our family is suffering indescribable grief—Hehersonwas my soulmate, guru, BFF, cheerleader, and spine of support. To cope with this loneliness, I created an altar with Mama Mary, St. Joseph, the Crucifix with his framed photo, and pictures together with his ashes in an urn. I even wear his shirt and use his cologne to feel his presence. Every night, we pray the rosary for him connected to my daughter in Makati and my son in Quezon City. ​I’ve also learned to go through my iPad to look back at photos, articles he wrote, videos and media interviews, and tributes.

Was there a difference between cancer and Covid-19in your experience?

Covid-19 is more intense. Being isolated, incommunicado, and without a family member looking after you is a difficult, depressing condition. You are also anxious that you may be endangering the life or safety of the frontliners attending to you. While at Manila Doctors Hospital, my children, and even Sonny, were so worried about my condition as it was reported I suffered a stroke. I was jolted out of a state of stupor after hearing my daughter Xilca on the phone crying and encouraging me to fight, reading messages from friends and artists, colleagues. Moreover, with Covid-19, there is no last farewell, expression of love, and prayers—the corpse is sent directly to the crematorium. My son broke down in tears because he could not even see his dad who was inside a cadaver pouch. No hug, no kiss. It is so heartbreaking that one dies alone as a Covid-19 patient.

With cancer, your survival rate is higher as long as you detect it at an early stage. There is already a known standard treatment and you won’t feel alienated because you are surrounded with family and friends. I remember in December 2002, after a stereotactic biopsy in Hongkong, I was given three years to live if I had immediate operation within a month. Cancer rehab took almost a month to drain me after a protocol of chemotherapy sessions that had to be aborted after the sixth session, since it became too toxic—I lost my hair, I had dark violet nails, and I walked almost like a duck. 

Thirteen lymph nodes were excised during the mastectomy. Because of the caring attention of my husband and children, healing was assured with optimism.

There’s the risk of emotional harm from limited social contact. How can we manage anxiety while under quarantine? 

Yes, the lockdown can stimulate the discombobulation of one’s mental and emotional state. My advice for coping is the same for all the scary events that life brings: Go for the facts—even difficult ones—because anxiety escalates in the absence of information. But don’t overdo it, as too much information can cause stress. I had kept my mind focused on activities like reading and watching news updates here and abroad. 

Another tip is to try to slow down and sustain regular routines that bring comfort. After re-learning to walk and regaining my voice, I was coached by my executive assistant to use Skype and Zoom. I also continued my rehab exercises for hand tremors, including movements from Pangalay and Binasuan dance. 

Though we have postponed this May 2020 to March 2021 an International Sustainable Development (SDGSs) festival forum with an arts camp under UNESCO, I have engaged myself with our SSCC associate director from Colombia, Dr. Viktor Sebek, who has been unable to fly out. So we carried on the organizing secretariat task of adapting the program agenda to a post-Covid-19 world. This significant event, besides its cultural historicity, can be a magnet platform for reviving the tourism industry. 

Now is also the time to stay connected to anyone who matters to you. In spite of the disconcerting physical absence, Hexilon and Xilca connect with me through Viber to check on me and have my apos be part of the conversation. It is an uplifting experience. I always look forward to our virtual encounter, which soothes loneliness. When one is idle, then more problems arise. Keeping oneself busy besides enjoying family bonding can reduce anxiety.                          ​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​

Can you give us some health tips? 

Both cancer and Covid-19 require a strong immune system that necessitates the discipline of diet, sleep, and exercise. Since the lockdown, I had not been able to do my swimming exercises, and somehow you must not forget diet restrictions. Even if you are under stress, do not indulge in nervous eating. For psychosocial therapy, the cultural dimension should be considered. Arts is an important tool for healing in the hospital. I created in my mind compositions and poetry. For example, as I focused my sight on the crucifix in the room when I was still in the hospital during Holy Week, I did a special prayer hymn. It is best to remember that preparedness is the key to confronting any crisis so we must always be ready.

What are the major lessons of this crisis?

My key takeaway from this pandemic is never taking things for granted. I am grateful to the Lord for a new Easter gift of life to carry on our common dream of a better Philippines. Life is precious. Time is gold. Do not think or presume life on earth is eternal. Take the moment to express love and appreciation since sudden deaths can occur—accidents or illnesses. Prayer is so crucial for faith and determination for recovery. I am grateful to our prayer warriors for lifting me up for healing and wishing for Sonny’s blessed journey to heaven.