THROUGH UNTRUE
Fr. Rolando V. dela Rosa, O.P.
My friend, Peter, who is barely 40 years old, cheerful and happily married, was suddenly diagnosed with stage 4 cancer. He does not smoke or drink and has a healthy lifestyle. He is a conscientious and law-abiding man, a good husband, and above all, a man of great faith.
Upon receiving the diagnosis, he started praying for complete healing. But after several months his situation worsened, so he was plagued with doubts. He could not reconcile the miseries he was experiencing with what Jesus says in today's gospel reading: "Ask and you will receive, seek and you will find, knock and the door will be opened to you. For everyone who asks receives, and the one who seeks finds, and to the one who knocks, the door will be opened" (Luke 11:9-10). He could not hide his disappointment, even if he maintained a brave and jolly face.
He came to a point when he no longer prayed for healing, but for an answer to the questions that constantly needled him. Why are there many avowed atheists who are content and happy while he who believes in God languishes in his misery? Why do those who engage in drug and sex trafficking, who dupe people into gambling, and those who rape, torture, and kill go scot free, while he is imprisoned in his bed of pain? There are days when his bouts of depression are so severe that he is tempted to think: "Maybe it is better not to believe in God. At least, when you know that there is no God, you'll never get disappointed because you expect nothing."
How did Peter break through this wall of spiritual darkness? He told me that he reached the point when he just stopped analyzing his situation from a very human perspective. He realized that he had been looking for rational and "convincing" reasons so he would not renounce his faith. So, one day, he just knelt and humbly made an act of surrender to God. He prayed like this: "Lord, don't allow me to believe my doubts and doubt my beliefs. Even if I do not fully understand Your ways, even if I am not healed, help me to remain steadfast in my belief that you know what is best for me."
On a lighter side, Peter told me that answered prayers may not always be a sign of God's blessing. He got this idea after watching the movie "Out of Africa," where the lead character delivered this memorable line: "When the gods want to punish you, they answer your prayers." This may sound cynical, but sometimes our insistent desire to get our prayers answered blinds us to the possibility that we might be praying for the wrong things.
This is why the last sentence in today's gospel reading is very important. Jesus did not promise that He would answer all our prayers. What He said was: "If you then, though you are evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your Father in heaven give the HOLY SPIRIT to those who ask him” (Luke 11:13). St. Paul alludes to this when he wrote: "We do not know what we ought to pray for. It is the Holy Spirit that helps us to pray rightly with groanings too deep for words (Romans 8:26).