THE VIEW FROM RIZAL
Dr. Jun Ynares
“Expectation is the root of all heartache.”
No, we did not invent that quote. That was a famous line attributed by many – including social media habitues – to the famous English playwright William Shakespeare.
It appears that this famous quotation triggers “aha!” moments for many. It reveals to them the reason for our many disappointments and the heartaches that come with them.
We mentioned this quote in reference to our column last week about “disappointments.” This supposed Shakespearean quotation adequately captures the reason for them. We had “expectations” – a lot of them – regarding the pandemic, the virus, the vaccine and the many social and economic repercussion of the measures we took to survive the past one year or so.
Disappointment is the gap between expectation and reality. The wider the gap, the bigger the disappointment.
When we do not face and deal with our disappointments, the emotional pain they cause lingers. When the pain stays too long in our seat of emotion, that pain affects our perspective, our decisions and our behavior.
It is, therefore, important that we know how to deal with disappointment. We must also be willing to do so.
We took a look at what steps experts recommend regarding dealing with disappointment.
Here are what some experts would say.
One, stick to reasonable expectations. We need to ask ourselves whether or not the expectations we set were realistic. How reasonable was it to expect that the pandemic would be completely over in a year? Was it reasonable to expect that the world would have a super-vaccine against COVID-19 developed in less than 12 months?
Two, let’s make sure we understood what happened.
Let us occasionally ask ourselves: Did the events which whipped up our disappointment consist of things within our control or outside of it? Was the emergence and spread of the virus something we could have prevented, or was it a phenomenon too big for our individual strength to grapple with?
If the events were mostly outside of our control, we can stop blaming ourselves for them.
For things outside of our control, the recommendation is to follow this process: “Aware-Accept-Adapt.” Simply put: Let us understand what happened. Let us accept that what happened is real and is outside of our control. Let us then adapt to the situation and adapt to the sudden and radical change in our environment and in our lives.
Experts also encourage us to give ourselves “only a limited time” to feel bad. Writing for Psychology Today, Dr. Guy Winch, Ph.D. advises: “Acknowledge the let-down, but don’t get mired in it.
“The more you dwell on the disappointment, the more it will hurt and disrupt your ability to focus, concentrate, problem-solve or be creative,” Dr. Winch explained.
“So, be careful not to feed your disappointment and deepen your emotional hurt,” he added.
Writing for the Harvard Business Review, Professor Manfred F. R. Kets de Vries advised that we must not let disappoint “deteriorate into apathy or depression.”
“Sustained rumination is not a prescription for change,” he added. “When we become preoccupied with bad news, we lose sight of what is right in our lives and in the world around us,” he underscored.
“When we catch ourselves thinking negatively, we should redirect our energy and focus on positive solutions,” he said.
Good point.
In our involvement in public service, we have not failed to notice the energy and passion with which our fellow public servants perform their tasks today. When I ask some of them where they get the drive, a number of them said they decided to focus on doing their job well rather than think about their disappointment over unmet expectations.
Delight is the opposite of disappointment. Delight happens when reality exceeds our expectation.
One way of dealing with disappointment we recently learned is to look for and focus on the events and people that bring us delight. In spiritual terms, this is what we mean when we say, “count your blessings.”
Many things continue to delight us today.
Among them are the fact that our social services and healthcare system continue to hold up despite the surge in new COVID-19 infections. We are delighted by the dedication of our front-liners and those who man the backline.
We are delighted by our shared ability to be both resilient and defiant. Yes, the pandemic has exacted much physical, economic and emotional toll on us. It has not broken our spirits.
Today, we close with a “disappointment.”
Fact-checkers have uncovered an error: The quote at the start of our column today may not have really been written nor uttered by Shakespeare.
This is a misattribution. In the meantime, the right attribution would belong to that famous author, Mr. Anonymous.
Well, one more disappointment. Let’s accept this and move on.
Have a blessed and delight-filled Sunday, everyone.
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