In dire straits

Published April 15, 2021, 12:12 AM

by Jullie Y. Daza

MEDIUM RARE

Jullie Y. Daza

Physical and social distancing, it’s the law! So we make people, mostly women, line up for one and a half kilometers to claim their ayuda. Being in dire straits, we can only give P4,000 maximum per family and expect them to live on that for one to two weeks.

To gradually open up the economy, more jeepneys and buses have been deployed to ferry workers to and from work. But public transportation has never been enough to transport the public. Thus passengers, against every rule installed by people who’ve never ridden a jeepney or a bus, make siksikan (what a nice sounding word, except it’s not politically correct to use the word at this time). Health protocols are better managed on LRT and MRT trains, with a promise of running at 60 kph — a big deal half a century after the bullet trains of Japan and China.

Curfew hours have been generously extended by two hours. Considering the above paragraph, how many working stiffs will be home by 8 p.m.?

The police, for once, are able to show compassion this late in the day by reminding themselves not to arrest curfew violators, except those caught gambling, drinking, having outrageous fun outrageously.

To ivermectin (3 capsules for P100) or to remdesivir (P28,000 per dose; ask Harry for the exact price). Maybe DOH is suspicious of ivermectin’s cheapiness? Food and Delay Admin wants the market to wait for its green light. PNP warns sellers that they will be arrested outright. DOST scientists assure that with so many clinical trials and studies having gone around and still going around, no further scrutiny is needed. Time to play Russian roulette? Wait for Sputnik V.

A pregnant woman is in dire straits. She told a radio reporter she’s been living and sleeping on the sidewalks since the pandemic began, and now that she’s due, she needs a place for the baby and herself. The reporter was too shy or too shocked to ask where the baby was conceived.

The President to those missing him – isn’t it nice to be missed? – “If you want me to die early, you must pray harder.” That was him, all right, the quintessential Duterte. No ghost could’ve invented that sentence.

 
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