THROUGH UNTRUE
Fr. Rolando V. Dela Rosa, O.P.
The great Russian writer Leo Tolstoy once wrote: "All happy families resemble one another; but each unhappy family is unhappy in its own way." That might have been true during his generation, but not today. In our time, many unhappy families resemble one another for this one common characteristic: fatherlessness.
If it were classified as a disease, fatherlessness would be a pandemic worse than COVID-19. Sadder still, there is no vaccine for it. In the United States alone, more than 20 million children live in homes without their biological fathers.
In the Philippines, the constant migration of workers to foreign lands also renders many children fatherless. Recent studies and surveys show that, on average, children with no fathers are more likely to experience emotional, health, educational, spiritual, and psychological problems. They are also more likely to be victims of child abuse or to engage in criminal behavior.
Children need to see that their fathers are there for them. It's not just their visibility that matters; more important is their PRESENCE. A father once asked a friend, "How shall I be more present to my family?" His friend replied: "Get up early!" It was a puzzling reply, but the father realized that sleeping late and waking up even later would deprive him of enough quality time for his family. How can he be present to his loved ones when he is forever rushing from one activity to another?
Many fathers justify their harried life by saying, "I have very little time for all the things I have to do." This is a big lie. All fathers have 24 hours a day, but they spend most of these on work and give their family the leftover. When a father's self-image is founded on his busy work routine, any unexpected disruption, like an accident, sudden retrenchment, financial bankruptcy, marriage breakdown, or terminal illness, devastates him.
A father once confided to me: "I used to devote much time to my work. I go to bed very late and wake up very early, feeling tired and weak. Every time I glance at the clock, I panic. Like many fathers who belong to the rapid-fire, fast food, speed-mail, and Internet generation, I have to do everything quickly.
"I always have my cell phone with me. I am more present to it than to my wife and children. I bought the cellphone to facilitate communication and to gather information, but it has become a shield to protect me from the burden of listening and responding to my wife and children."
The COVID-19 pandemic forced him to stay at home and rethink his priorities. He realized that living always in a hurry is dangerous, not only to his health but also to his love for his family. Forced to stay at home, one night he had the chance to take his five-year-old child to bed. What he experienced seemed to have been cut out from a page in William Bausch's book The Word In And Out of Season:
"It was the first time I had to put my son to bed. After finally getting the little fellow into his nightclothes, I lifted him into bed hoping that he would quickly fall asleep. Suddenly, he looked at me and said: 'Daddy, I have to say my prayers first.'
"My son knelt beside his bed, closed his eyes, and said his usual prayers. Then he pausedand raised his eyes to heaven, and prayed: 'Dear God, make me a great, big, good man like my Daddy. Amen.'
"I stayed on, watching him as he dozed off. Before I left the room I prayed with tears in my eyes: 'Dear Lord, make me a great, big, good father like my boy thinks I am.'"
Happy Fathers' Day!