MANILA, Philippines — Question: am a mother of four boys ages 31, 30, 28 and 24. All the three older boys are already married and have their own jobs.

My problem is my youngest son. When he was young, there were no signs of any mental retardation, until he was 17 years old, on his second semester in first year college.

He was always complaining of an upset stomach. The doctor found nothing wrong. He no longer went to school after that, until such time that he wouldn’t take a bath and wouldn’t want to talk to us anymore. He stayed in his room and didn’t want to go out.

We consulted a psychiatrist and brought him to a rehab clinic. He stayed there for three months and when he returned home, there was an improvement in his condition. But it was not really clear to us what caused the problem. He wouldn’t take his medications because of the side effects.

Sometimes, he would go out but only to play computer games with his friends. Upon our prodding he enrolled in a culinary school but he did not finish. Now, he just plays computer games at night and sleep during the day.

He is not thinking of any future plans. What can you say about his case? Can you consider him with a mild mental retardation? Can he be accepted in the schools that you've recommended? I hope you can help us. Thank you very much. – PC.

Thank you for sharing your story with us. As parents, we all dream of a bright future for our children although there are times when our plans do not work out the way we would want them to. It is in times like these that we continue to give them the support that they need especially for the ones who need it the most.

Your youngest son has special needs that would require professional help. I would strongly recommend that you bring him back to a psychiatrist so he can be re-assessed to determine if there is a need to continue with previous recommendations, or there are other issues wherein appropriate interventions may help address your concerns.

Is it Mental Retardation(MR)?

Based on the information that you gave about your son, most likely, it is not. Mental Retardation (MR), also known as Intellectual Disabilities (ID), is defined as “significantly sub-average general intellectual functioning, existing concurrently with deficits in adaptive behavior and manifested during the developmental period, that adversely affects a child’s educational performance” (IDEA, 2004).

From birth, children with MR/ID already manifest delays in different areas of development such as walking, talking, and self-help skills. Even for children with mild mental retardation, these delays are already evident from a very young age, and become more pronounced as children enter the early grades.

Your son was okay until he turned 17 and in his first year in college. This would rule out MR since children with MR rarely have the chance to enter college because of intellectual deficits. Oftentimes, after the elementary years, they proceed to transition to pre-vocational training.

Seeking for Professional Help: The First Step

At this point, it would not be wise to suggest what to do nor decide which school your son should go to, until you have sought professional help. Recommending the next steps would depend on finding the root cause of your son’s psychological problems rather than finding potential solutions without adequate knowledge of your son’s real condition.

The schools recommended in my previous article would require a medical certificate or a psychological report as part of their admission requirements in order to evaluate if the student suits the programs of the school. Therefore, consulting a psychiatrist and/or clinical psychologist should be your immediate action if you would want to know if a particular school would suit your son’s needs.

As much as I hope there would be, there are no ready and simple answers. Your son needs professional help for him to be able to cope with his condition and look forward to a more promising future. Do not be discouraged. Do not lose hope. Just keep on moving forward single-mindedly set on giving your son the best future he could possibly have.

“You just can’t give up. You have to keep trying.” -Temple Grandin, Ph.D., adult with Asperger’s Syndrome.

The author is the executive director of ALRES-PHILS., a faculty of the SPED Department of Miriam College, and an Inclusive Education Specialist. A pediatric physiotherapist and special educator, she is presently pursuing her doctorate studies majoring in Special Education at U.P. Diliman.

She is a staunch advocate for children with special needs. If you have any questions, please feel free to ask our SPED specialists. Just send your queries to MByouthsection@gmail.com