Dear Suzi and Paolo,

Hi Suzi and Paolo. I am a regular follower of your column here in Manila Bulletin. I never had a question to ask… until now. My daughter will be starting school next school year. And as early as now, we are already preparing her. The problem is, she does not want to go to school. We already tried reasoning with her and even took her to school to let her see what school is about. What more can we do to make her like going to school? — Estela Rodriguez, San Andres, Manila

Suzi says

MANILA, Philippines — Hello there Estela! Thank you so much for reading our column!  And now you're going to be part of it, thanks to your query.

First up, I would like to commend you for trying to prepare your child for school as early as now.  I would normally suggest that to parents with kids, who will go to school for the first time. However, your daughter is so attached to the home that it seems scary for her to leave her comfort zone and be in a strange environment.  Who can blame her?  Even grown-ups sometimes don't want to leave their comfort zones.  I assume your daughter might be around three or four years old? Do try to ask her what scares her about school.  If she is not good with expressing herself just yet, do try to supply some of the words for her.  Is she afraid of meeting new kids? Is she afraid of being left behind by mommy while in school?  Maybe she can be the one to give you the cues so that you can address them.

Do try to hang out in your neighbor's or relative's house with school-age kids. Let her witness the kids coming home from school and maybe getting some merienda.  Do advise your friends and relatives about your dilemma so that she can also cue her kids to talk excitedly about school.  Show your daughter some of the fun school items like bags, books, crayons, erasers, etc.  That might get her interested and excited.

Do talk to the school also if they will allow your child to sit in during one of the classes;  just so she can observe or even participate and get the hang of being in school.  Show her the school facilities and talk excitedly about what she can do there.

Many kids do experience separation anxiety.  I believe even their parents experience it too!  But it is part of growing up and is inevitable.  So I wish you good luck!  And hope, come June, that your daughter will have a smooth first day in school.

Paolo says

Hi Mommy Estela. Thanks for writing in. Sooner or later, all parents have to face the problem of phasing-in their child to school. Some kids are just more natural social creatures and have no problems with the idea while others are a bit resistant. Though I see you've already made some efforts to try and convince your daughter, I have a few suggestions that might help.

Personally, I believe that some of the resistance or anxiety some kids feel are less about going to school but more of being away from you. You've probably already had sessions to try and explain to her that you'll literally just be waiting for her on the first few days of school, but every bit of reassurance will help.

One nice thing that our kids' playschool offered was to phase-in ("saling-pusa") the kids on the last few days of the previous school year. Our kids got to have a feel for what a day in school was like but had the "security" of being within arms' reach to us. Another thing was they were also allowed to come a week before returning students so that they would be able to settle in without the busy atmosphere that comes with the official first day of class. Ask if your daughter's school can accomodate a set-up like this. It could be helpful.

Another suggestion is to help her feel excited about school by taking her along when you buy her schoolbag, lunchbox and thermos, pencils, sketchpads, plastic envelopes etc. There's nothing like the excitement of picking out her own school gear, and it builds up her excitement for school. She would not be able to wait to use it! Even a new pair of shoes or a uniform, if she has one, is a way to get her excited.

One other suggestion is to build anticipation and make a countdown calendar, where your daughter will mark the days to go before the start of school. Use a stamp-pad or small stickers to mark the days. Even things like starting school can be made to be more exciting than it really is as long as we think of ways to keep it fun for our kids.