MANILA, Philippines — DEAR CHICO AND DELAMAR... My boyfriend and I have been living together for several months now, and things have been going really well.

We’ve gotten used to the quirks we’ve kept hidden from each other while we were dating, and marriage has even been brought up and considered. Just recently, my boyfriend got a pretty long email from his mother berating him for apparently taking advantage of her, not appreciating what she’s done for him, and just for being an ungrateful son.

His mom didn’t cite any particular incident, but says that this has been going on for years. My boyfriend and his mother have had the greatest relationship for as long as I’ve known him, and neither of us could think of anything particular that his mother could be mad about.

Whatever it was, he quickly apologized anyway for whatever it is he may have done. He wants to just forget about the whole thing, but I want to know what it is he’s done to offend his mother so. He’s the kindest, most caring guy I’ve ever met, and I’m a lot angrier about this whole thing than I thought I would be. — Liza

CHICO SAYS... Obviously the mother sees something that your boyfriend doesn’t, whether he didn’t realize what he did that got her so upset, or she’s gone senile and is imagining events that never happened.

People who get swimmingly well together don’t just up and turn angry for no reason. Whether warranted or not, whether perceived or actual, there was a slight that transpired. It could be one or a combination of a multitude of reasons: from him being remiss with his duties as a loving son, to “tampo” for not spending enough time with her, to something that never even happened, but was nevertheless spawned by an idle and restless imagination.

Whatever it was, your boyfriend should have gotten to the bottom of things. Why apologize without even finding out what the fuss was all about? I find that so strange.

At the very least, ask why she was so worked up, so that he can either apologize sincerely for the shortcoming, or clear things up with her if it was a mere misunderstanding.

Like I said, unless she’s senile, I think it’s pretty condescending of him to apologize without even knowing what upset her so much. I’d hate to be patronized by someone I love dearly. If what you say is true, that they have a great relationship, then he should have cared enough to find out the reasons why she made such a complete emotional u-turn. If somebody I loved dearly is suddenly furious with me, I will get to the very bottom of things and go from there. Finding out the reason is your boyfriend’s job. Then he can relay to you the events.

I agree that the information should trickle down to you as his girlfriend, but more as a privilege than as a right. This is between mother and son. Unless you were cited as a reason for her anger, this is something that you’re not directly part of. If you are part of it, then you have the right to defend yourself against the accusations, or the right to apologize for any wrongdoing. But otherwise, the details of what happened has to be freely given to you, and not demanded by you.

Did your boyfriend really not ask, or did he simply not want to share it with you? If he really didn’t ask, it’s not too late to find out the real reasons. Besides, if he never found out what made her so angry, then he’s bound to do it again. How can you avoid doing something you don’t even know you’re doing? For the sake of everyone concerned, he should find out what really happened.

DELAMAR SAYS... I’m not sure your boyfriend is being on the up and up. He must know or have at least an idea where this is coming from. And someone who doesn’t know why his mother is calling him ungrateful is likely to get mad than just let it slide.

Think about it, if someone accused you of something serious, wouldn’t you get angry if you were truly innocent of the allegations? Actually you’d probably get hurt if someone you loved accused you. I’m not trying to make you

paranoid but on face value that’s just my first reaction. I think there might be more to this than meets the eye. If after years of them being close she accuses him of bein ungrateful and he just lets it slide? Hmm. Think about it.

Still after having said that, your boyfriend seems not ready to tell you what he thinks his mother is really angry about. So I’d let sleeping dogs lie. If it’s not affecting your relationship then trust him and his reasons for not telling you. As far as his mother is concerned do not get in the middle of it. Short of her harming son, this is between her and your boyfriend. Your have the right to get a little angry but there is a limit to how angry. You can feel a little bit of righteous indignation but don’t linger and stew in it. Focus on a great relationship you have with your boyfriend. If all is fine on the homefront then just let it be.

(Chico and Delle welcome your letters. Write to: youth@mb.com.ph or fax through 527-7511. Listen to the Dynamic Duo Monday to Saturday, 6 a.m. to 9 a.m. over Monster Radio RX 93.1)