Good day Miss Dawn!
I am a full-time mom to my two kids: 5 years old boy and a 5 months old baby girl. I have this problem now that seems to bother me. My son is quite jealous of the attention and care that I am giving my daughter. From time to time, I would talk to him even before going to sleep. I would give him hugs and kisses, assuring him that I’ll always love him, and that he should be happy that he has a new sister now. So that when they grow up, he would have a sister that would care for him even if we, his parents, are gone. But the feeling of jealousy did not disappear. It cannot be denied from the way he would talk to me. Sometimes I wonder if this is the result of their age gap. My husband now is an OFW and it seems too hard for me to handle this situation. Please give me advice.

Annabelle Dy

It’s such a pity that you have been left alone to be both mother and father to your children while your husband is outside the country trying to earn. There are always sacrifices involved here, especially where time and distance from one or both parents are concerned. Our presence in their lives must always take precedence.

The way I see it, your son is acting this way towards his younger sibling because of several factors, which might not even directly related to his little sister. For one, the absence of his father. A father’s attention is vital to a young boy, especially at his up-to-speed age of 5! This is the time they desire to do “little man” skills, and it’s usually most fun when done with Daddy.

My husband keeps reminding Jacobo that he should watch over his Mama and baby sister whenever he was away. It gives him a sense of self-awareness and pride to know that he was given this duty. And like I said, you may have been teaching this to your son but it’s still more effective when the advice is given by his father – his hero. But what can you do now that your situation is far from being reversed?

Since I have been on the family way this second time around, I’ve been reading up on books and comparing notes with friends. And this much I’ve learned:

1. No matter how much-awaited the arrival of the second baby is, the eldest would still need to undergo a major change. They now have to share everything with someone, who seems to be getting more than his or her fair share of their parents’ attention and affection.

2. It’s wise to teach your eldest some childcare skills, like how to hold or feed the baby. If they seem interested, tell your eldest this is practice in case he or she is a daddy or a mommy someday.

3. No matter how interested or capable your eldest seems, a child younger than 10 or 12 can’t be expected to babysit. A babysitter assumes full responsibility for the baby when you’re not there, and that’s a job an adult needs to perform. You want your eldest to be your baby’s peer, not a surrogate parent.

4. Understand your child’s inclination to want to act more like a baby. Be patient with their interest in drinking from a bottle, using baby talk, sleeping in a crib, and even wearing a diaper. Your 5-year-old may do other things closer to his age group like being plain obstinate or unyielding. Make sure you show your “big baby” the same love and attention that you show your “little baby.” At the same time, you can highlight all the things your eldest child can do that the baby cannot even attempt.

5. Point out how much your daughter likes him. Help him notice how she smiles when he comes near, how she enjoys being near him, and how much she likes the toys and kisses he offers. It’s difficult to dislike someone who likes you back. If you must correct the older child, do it gently. An angry outburst or scolding may result to tears from both children and resentment from your firstborn.

Developing a loving attachment to your baby is a process that usually takes some time. Keep in mind that having another baby may fit beautifully into your own plans, but may not have been on your eldest child’s agenda at all.

So be patient and persistent, Annabelle. Good results are likely to come up for all that you’re sacrificing.