ANGEL THOUGHTS “There is no force in the world more powerful than a mother’s love for her child.” –Anonymous “ Be joyful in hope, patient in affliction, faithful in prayer.” –Romans 12:12

Losing someone you love – a parent, spouse, sibling, best friend – is always a devastating blow, sometimes even physically debilitating. You feel angry, empty, robbed, lonely, guilty, abandoned, resentful, rejected.You simply want to stop the world and get off.

But to a mother, losing a child, whether the thunderbolt happens through an illness, an accident, by the child’s own hand, or a killer’s twisted mind, it is the end of her world.

Nothing, Manay Gina de Venecia declared to the Bulong Pulungan sa Sofitel Philippine Plaza forum, can come close to the pain she felt (and sometimes still experiences) when she lost her daughter, KC, in a fire that gutted their home four years ago.

"No failed political battle, intrigues, backstabbing, defeat, rejection, falling out from power, loss of dear friends can compare to KC’s loss. After her death, I feel I can weather anything now and I mean anything,"

Gina was our guest with three of her core members of INA or Inang Naulila sa Anak, a group of mothers bound by their common loss of a child. We wanted updates on their common cause of helping themselves and other orphaned mothers cope.

In the course of the noon forum, we also discovered long-ago grief and hurts we had already pushed in the background. It was good for our souls to do just that.

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"It’s a group we don’t want you to join," Gina said earnestly. "We take our bonding to heart and because we have experienced the deepest pain that a mother can be given. We understand each other, we speak the same language, even in our silence."

Meeting other orphaned mothers has helped Gina move along on the road to recovery, although as Bibi Yu (whose teenaged son fell from a building) said, "No one ever fully recovers. We all learn to cope with the void left by our children’s death through the group sessions with Dr. Honey Carandang, our adviser."

In reaching out to mothers like Ting Manalang whose 27-year-old son suffered from a mental illness and took his own life, and Yna Yulo who lost a premature baby years ago, to new member Cynthia Castillo whose daughter jumped to her death recently, Gina is finally ‘healing.’

One offshoot of Gina’s INA advocacy is her own ‘blog’ at www.manayginadevenecia.blogspot.com. The blog focuses on issues pertaining to women, family, love, and life. It features her advocacies and activities especially The Haven for Women, The Haven for Children, The Haven for the Elderly, and the INA.

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There are about 200 members of INA now from all walks of life . The core group of about a dozen mothers only have to read or hear about a mother losing her child in tragic circumstances like the sinking of the Princess of the Stars and they get together to reach out. Having someone to talk to or listen to you when you have lost your child is so comforting, Ting and Bibi shared.

It is really very important, Yna and Ting pointed out, to have some sort of closure to the death of one’s child. It is much harder for mothers to accept their loss if they cannot see the bodies or give them decent burials.

Gina, for instance, recalled that even if KC was brought out of their burnt down house, she did not see her body. At the wake she would come for the mass and leave immediately. She refused to accept her daughter’s death, and she was like that for the next six months, crying inconsolably.

Carandang’s method of dealing with her grief was to help her face the fact of KC’s death. Later, Gina was finally able to look at her daughter’s death certificate for the first time and the realization came that yes, she was indeed dead.

Asked what was the one thing that helped keep them sane after the death of their children, they all had one answer, "Faith." This is the belief in a Supreme Being and their children now happy and safe with Him.

Yna also said a grieving person should not stay indoors and keep the world out. Sunshine is good for the soul, as is company of loving relatives or friends. (Trust me, it’s true.)

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A blog post by Manay Gina goes, "Losing a loved one is never easy. My mom once told me that there is nothing more heartbreaking than losing a child. My mom, like you, is a strong woman. She lost twins about two decades ago. And like you, she turned to the Lord and prayed for her two boys."

I cried with you and your family. KC and I are of the same age and I felt your pain when I saw the footage on TV. What I see now is a strong woman who believes that her beloved daughter is at peace with the Lord. Your post, Miracle of the Shoes, is amazing. In your case, it is more amazing. It is a miracle. Keep praying.

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Lightening the ‘heavy’ talk on recovery and healing was Gina’s first grandchild, Isabela Beatriz Cruz, courtesy of Carissa and her husband Juju Evangelista. The nearly one-year-old charmer (she turns a year old on Sept. 1 with a party at the Haven for Children) demonstrated why she keeps her "mamita" happy these days.

Carissa, formerly undersecretary at DTI, will supply international designer Josie Natori with beaded accessories, and the INA members who are into beading with guru Portia Leuterio will be her suppliers. By the way, the sample watches Gina brought to the forum were "to die for."